Where There's a Will (Lost Boys, #1)

by Jessie Walker

I lift his crown made of weeds and grin. “May I, Your Majesty?” He rolls his eyes but still bends forward to allow me to place the crown on his head.

He smiles and something seems to...crack right open inside me.

“We could make this our Terabithia,” he says after a while. I glance up at him, unsure what to make of the far-off look in his eyes as he takes in the surrounding woods. “A place that is just ours. A secret place no one knows about.”

“Will? I grin up at him. “Only on one condition?” “Yeah?” “Neither of us can die.”

His gaze finds mine once more when I take too long to respond, and that powerless feeling from earlier returns. Trapping me in that dizzying place between then and now, as I lose myself in the eyes of the first boy who ever broke my heart. The boy I’ve now spent far more time and energy than I ever planned to spend in a single night trying to figure the fuck out. It’s as if he pulls the truth from the deepest, roughest part of me. “I don’t know where else to go.”

“Hell, I don’t even remember what it was about.” I flinch. Lying. He’s lying.

He grimaces. “I’m sorry. For tonight. For making you think...well, you know.” I raise a brow. “I don’t know.” He glares at me, and a short laugh bursts out of me. I raise my hands in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop. It’s cool, okay?” I smile, and this time, it’s soft. Hesitant, but genuine. “We’re cool.” Waylon nods. “Cool.” He cringes. I bite down the urge to laugh. “Cool.”

yall annoying as hell

“Park in the back from now on,” he says. “There’s room in the garage. Wouldn’t want Ivy pissing all over your bike.” The fuck? He laughs. “Dude, your face. The cat.” “You named a stray cat after your cousin?” He shrugs. “She pissed me off.” I shake my head, grinning.

I don’t want to be sad anymore. I don’t want to be numb. So I finally do what I’ve fought for so long. What I should’ve done a long time ago. I let go.

I have a rule about Sundays—if I can’t do it from the comfort of my couch, then it’s not getting done.

i like that

I might have the palate of a child, but I’ve been blessed with at least some decent genes. And anxiety. #winning

It’s not like I have the best coping mechanisms. We all do what we can to keep going every day; that’s life for you. Let us have our vices and kindly shut the fuck up.

thats so real

“What can I say? I’m a Scorpio. Blame it on the stars.” He gives me a funny look. “Your birthday’s in May, dude. You’re a fucking Taurus.”

LMAOOOOO

I look up at the ceiling and whisper, “Everything’s fucking fine. * * * Nothing is fine.

nothing is ever fine..

That ache in him spoke to the ache in me. I didn’t stand a chance keeping him away. He creeped in, and now I can’t get him out. He’s there, like a thorn in my side, pulling at me—making me care.

“What? You want something else?” Waylon asks, blinking at me. Letting out a short laugh, I shake my head and grab the beer. “No, this is fine. Just surprised you remembered.” Surprised you paid attention.

What can I say? There’s just something about cracking that outer shell he holds so dear, that just really rocks my fucking socks off.

His face hardens. “You’re fourteen.” He turns to me, a scowl twisting his mouth. “She’s fourteen.” I give him a look like he just sprouted a dick from his face. That would be less ridiculous than what he’s implying. For a boat load of reasons. “I’m gay.” His face bunches up and he looks down. “And I’m starting to get really pissed off you seem to think I have a thing for kids⁠—” “What? When did I⁠—” “My first day back,”

omg pls

I hear a chuckle—Mason, I think—while I watch as Shawn rounds the bar. Like it’s nothing—like this is perfectly normal—he plucks her up by the back of her black robe. Whirling her around, he shoves the Ghost Face hood back, revealing a wide toothy grin that is borderline certifiable. Frizzy dark blonde hair lifts up around her head from the static, and a flush clings to her cheeks. “Busted,” she whispers dramatically, gray eyes sparkling.

“What are you doing?” Shawn asks gruffly, not a trace of humor to be seen in the hard planes of his face. She’s tall for her age, but he towers over her. She blows a raspberry and crosses her arms as she juts her chin up at him. “Just chillin’. Killin’. You know how it goes. What’s up with you?” Shawn blinks unimpressed. And then in a move that throws me for a loop, he reaches up and flicks her point-blank in the forehead. Her grin only grows.

He blinks. “I don’t give a shit. Just don’t burn the place down.” Rolling her eyes, she pushes past him to head toward the steps. “Jesus, you start a fire one time...”

“He ended up overdosing about two years ago. Phoebe found him.” “Shit,” I breathe. “Yeah. It was really fucked up. For both of them. She was only twelve, and he was harboring enough guilt over Izzy as it was. This was just the cherry on top of a real shit sundae, you know?” He casts a look around the room, eyes growing far away. “He went to rehab after that. So despite how awful it was...” “It’s what led to him getting clean,” I finish softly.

“See something you like?” I whisper before I can stop myself. He flinches back like I’ve slapped him, eyes going wide and terrified. Shit. Face beet fucking red, a snarl forms on his lips as he grits out slowly, “I’m not gay.”

LMAOO

“You could just never fucking resist, could you?” he whispers, searching my eyes. “Coming to my defense. Well, guess what, Will, I never fucking asked you to.” He tilts his head. “In fact, I remember explicitly asking you to back. The fuck. Off.”

damn whats wrong with you

What the hell is going on? What just happened?

I don’t like his dad. He forgets things a lot, and it always makes Waylon angry. And if Waylon’s angry, he gets quiet. And when he’s quiet, that means he’s sad. I don’t think he knows I’ve caught on to that, but that’s okay. It will be my little secret.

Grams always says it’s the little things that can make a whole lick of a difference. Whatever that means.

Ignoring him, I hold my finger up to my mouth to shush him. I make some random gestures with my fingers that has him looking at me like I’ve grown a second head. I shrug, whispering, “I saw it in a movie.”

“You kissed me,” I say breathlessly. His face tightens. Like he might cry. “No, I didn’t.” “Yes, you did.” A smile starts to lift my mouth, slow and shaky.

So I do the only thing I can think of to ease his mind. I’ve never seen him cry, but if he cries now⁠— I just can’t. I can’t deal with that. So I kiss him instead. Right smack on the lips with enough pressure and precision there should never be any doubt as to what I’m doing. It’s just Waylon and me and the heart burning in my chest in this long, dragged out moment. One I never want to end. I. Kiss. Him. This boy. My best friend. I kiss him.

“You kissed me.” I grin. “No, I didn’t.” His brow pulls in tightly. “Are you messing with me?” I sigh and cock my head. I give his fingers a squeeze as I lift our joined hands in front of his face. “Does this feel like a joke?”

“Shouldn’t what? Kiss? Why not?” He looks back at me like I should know better. “Because we’re boys.” I wrinkle my nose like I smell something bad. “So? Who cares? My mom said some boys like girls, and some like boys. Some even like both.” I shrug. “I don’t know if I like girls, but I definitely like you.”

He scowls. I don’t fool him. But still, he repeats clearly this time, “I like you too.” “Good,” I chirp. He huffs a quiet laugh. Not letting go of him, I drop our clasped hands between us. “Happy Birthday, Grumpy Bear.” His mouth twitches, and then he’s smiling too.

This time, when I go to set my mug down, Will’s hand is suddenly there, batting my fingers out of the way as he takes it from me. “Hey!” Mouth gaping in outrage, I watch as he lifts the mug to his lips. His throat bobs with a rough swallow and his lip curls into a grimace. “Man, that’s just foul.”

“I didn’t know which to give you, so I gave you one from each box.”

I nod slowly. “You do have a pretty big head.” Will barks out a laugh, and my mouth twists into a reluctant smile as I glance up at him through my lashes. I study his face for a moment. “You really want to make a crude comment right now, don’t you?” He releases a breath. “You have no idea.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I practically hiss. “How am I looking at you?” he says calmly.

He gives me a look. “Will you let me explain? Clarify some things? I’m not your enemy here, Way. For once in your life, just...relax. Okay?”

“Are you gonna shut up and listen, or not?”

I flip him off. He pretends to catch it and press it to his heart.

“Just when you think it’s going to be okay, and that nothing can touch you, some asshole will rip the rug right out from under you.” He sucks in a slow breath. “But that won’t be you, will it?” I say softly. I drag my gaze back up to his. “Because you’re made of tougher stuff than that.”

“When you’re done ogling me, feel free to walk yourself out.”

stop being mean to him -_-

“I’m going for a run.” His eyebrows lift toward his hairline. “Okay.” “I have shorts you can borrow and another pair of sneakers.” What the hell am I doing? Will’s eyes widen as surprise flickers across his face.

“You ever do it up here?” “You sound like you’re twelve.” “And you’re evading.” I give him a long, sideways glance. “No.” He hums, but says nothing more as he leans forward to brace his hands on the concrete siding. “Do you want to?” he asks eventually. I jerk my head his way. He shakes his head, grinning. “Not with me. God, you’re easy.” “What every guy loves to hear,” I deadpan.

lmaoo bye will just does it for me

“But why? No offense, but what’s so special about you guys? I mean, what’s even the point?”

LMAOOO

A hand suddenly grips my shoulder and I stiffen. “Hey.” I shrug out of his hold and turn toward him. His mouth is a bloodless line. “I know,” he tells me forcefully. “I’m not sorry I snooped⁠—” “Hey, I snooped, too. It’s fine⁠—” “I will destroy anyone who fucks with him.” His eyes are red with unshed pain. “I know. I know.”

Whoever decided there’s some arbitrary age constraint on finding your damn soulmate is clearly just as much of a dumbass as whoever decided that the weight of death couldn’t be measured.

“You wait for the sun to come up.”

“The sun will always rise again.” I shrug. “You just need to make it through the night. Take it day by day—moment by moment if you need to—until you reach the other side. Nothing lasts forever.”

if youre brave enough.. but no one ever mentions that part

Air punches out of me as I stagger back. Will reaches out instinctively, grabbing my arm and pulling me toward him just before I can go tumbling off the edge.