Find Your People: Building Deep Community in a Lonely World

by Jennie Allen

we all come into the world looking for someone looking for us.

we are looking for more than that.

Every human is looking to be: Seen Soothed Safe

We don’t just want to be seen; we want to tell a friend or loved one about our disappointments and hopes and find comfort as well.

life has been so chaotic and stressful for so many years that you accidentally didn’t invest in your relationships, and when you look up, your people are gone.

Focusing on the bad can accidentally lead to more loss

I am believing the lie that I’m destined to be alone, and in believing that lie I’m making it into reality, because I am pulling back and judging those I love, guarding myself from them as if they were the enemies.

They wrapped me up with love and prayed and fought for me.

True friends

YOU MIGHT BE BELIEVING the lie right now that you are alone. But what if the people you need are right around the corner?

Even if you’re an introvert, we all are physically, emotionally, and spiritually hardwired by God for relationship.

Scientists now warn that loneliness is worse for our health than obesity, smoking, lack of access to health care, and physical inactivity.

suspect that if you really go all in with me, some of your fears may come true. But I also believe that your hopes will be exceeded.

But connection costs something, more than many are willing to pay.

We’re all just kind of waiting for connection to find us. We’re waiting for someone else to initiate. Someone else to be there for us. Someone else to make the plans or ask the perfectly crafted question that helps us bare our souls.

God’s plan for you, is to build a culture of community in every part of your life.

We’ve replaced intrusive, real conversations with small talk, and we’ve substituted soul-baring, deep, connected living with texts and a night out together every once in a while,

God built us for deep connection to be part of our day-in, day-out lives, not just once in a while in the presence of a paid therapist.

Let me say clearly that brokenness and sin have been rampant throughout all history and all cultures.

Our hope in this journey

to learn from people who have approached this vital aspect of life in much heal...

we need hope that transcends earthly relationship...

That is where the gospel...

We hide physically because if we aren’t seen, we can’t be known. And if we can’t be known, we can’t be rejected—or worse, have our vulnerability used to hurt us even further.

We live guarded because we fear someone will use our weakness against us.

Outside of Jesus, relationships are the greatest gifts we have on earth and simultaneously the most difficult part of being alive.

What’s more, this exchange has been going on for all eternity.[2]

John 16-17

No, the relationship He has in mind for us is… sacrificial, intimate, moment-by-moment connection.

That creates a dance, particularly if there are three persons, each of whom moves around the other two.

Trios? The type of friendship that is said to neber work?

Relational. It’s who we are, because it’s who God is. We were made in the image of God, who is relationship.

We weren’t just built for community; we were built because of it.

But here is where we go wrong. We look to people to complete and fill what only God was meant to fill.

We have put our hope in imperfect people. But that hope can successfully be answered only in God Himself.

Eternity was set in our hearts, Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, which means only a relationship with an ete...

If God is in the center of our relational circle, we will be fulfilled, and out of that fulfillment we can bless others. But if people are in the center of our relational circle, we end up pulling on others to meet needs that they can’t ever fully meet.

Jesus said it clearest.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”[4]

When you have God in the right place, at the center of your affections, you will more likely get people right.

So, yes, that relationship comes first, but that relationship is meant to sen...

God loves us to be together. God loves us to be on mission together. God loves us to worship Him together. Jesus said, “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”[5] We know that our togetherness matters to God.

In fact throughout most of the Bible, when it says “you,” the original Hebrew and Greek languages nearly always indicate a plural form: you all (or y’all, depending on how godly y’all are).

The Bible doesn’t speak to individuals. It’s written for people living out their faith together!

The bible shouldnt be thought of as a secret for "holy people". Its a book meant for believers and non-believers.

We make each other better.

Provervs 27:17

We remind each other of God and His plans for us.

Romans 1:12

We fight for each other to not be distracted by sin.

Hebrews 3:13

We complete each other.

1 Corinthians 12:20

We need each other to live out the purposes of God.

Romans 12:5-6

How arrogant are we to think that even though the God of the universe exists in community, our little fragile finite selves can survive without it? No, there is a beautiful God-built plan for having our souls be full, satisfied. If this plan is so good for us, why don’t we just prioritize this plan, fight for this plan, and make this plan unfold every day of our lives? Two words: the enemy.

Think about it: if God is relationship and He created us for relationship, then guess who hates it?

this isn’t a feel-good book about how to make friends. This is a depiction of war, a description of two distinct sides, and a reminder that everything is at stake.

No wonder it feels like every aspect of our lives is stacked against our connection to other people. It is.

The enemy wants to divide us. Rather than fighting for each other, he wants to see us fighting against each other.