Finding Me

by Viola Davis

If I created a fable of my life, a fantasy, I see myself finally meeting God, gushing, crying, thanking the Almighty for the accolades, a fabulous husband, beautiful daughter, my journey from nothing to Hollywood, awards, travel. I can clearly see the Lord’s face, staring at me, taking me in and saying, “You never thanked me for creating you as YOU.”

My grandma kept saying, “I’m so proud of you, baby. Your grandma love you so much.” She was small and dark-skinned. I remember thinking, Why am I staring at her so much? Something about her drew me toward her and tattooed itself in my memory. It was her voice. It was deep, clear, melodious. I wanted to freeze this moment in my memory. It was her voice that stood out to me. She had the voice that most actors would die to have. They spend thousands of dollars to tap into it. It was regal. It was commanding. It took me by surprise. It sounded just like . . . ME!

Most of the actors I went with to Juilliard, Rhode Island College, Circle in the Square Theatre, the Arts Recognition Talent Search competition are not in the business anymore. I think I can name six, and many, you wouldn’t even know. It doesn’t speak to their talent, it speaks to the nature of the business. Trust me when I say most were beautiful and talented, and some had incredible agents. It’s an eenie, meenie, miny, mo game of luck, relationships, chance, how long you’ve been out there, and sometimes talent.

As I continued to ask myself the question Why? I reached a dead end that asked me Why not?