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Once upon a time, I was blissfully ignorant of how the world can break a person.
watching her like she’s the most fascinating thing I’ve ever seen. Her beauty surpasses all of Manhattan and Queens beyond, lighting up the nighttime in a way the buildings and stars envy.
when you don’t have a buffer for yourself, negativity from other people acts as kerosene, fanning the flames you’ve spent most of your time cultivating. Eventually, you get to a point where all you want is to be doused in the fire. Relieved of your sentence on earth.
But the mind is a wonderfully delirious place when we allow it to be. It can create false narratives and block out truths entirely. Sometimes, it’s to shield us from bad memories; others, it’s fear manifesting, conjuring things that simply don’t exist as if trying to prepare us for certain possibilities.”
What is it about this man that cracks me wide-open?
“That’s it, pretty girl. I knew you could do it. Knew you’d look so good coming on my cock.”
That she’d given me a piece of herself no one else got.
It’s that age-old caveat of wanting what’s best for others, but also needing to keep a piece of their goodness for yourself.
I’ll choose his warmth, even if it means getting burned. At least when you’re on fire, you know you’re alive.
But I also know that no one’s ever made me feel quite as good as he has, either. As beautiful. Whole. Maybe that’s not the answer to everything. I know the trauma can’t be reversed or healed by pretty words and forehead kisses. They help, though. It’s so much easier to navigate when you have someone standing by you.
And I hate how my heart still has the courage to hope.
it’s like aching for home without even realizing you left—and not knowing how to get back.
When he fucks me, it’s a religious experience. Something ethereal and eye-opening that leaves me gasping for breath and begging for more all at once. Every time, it feels like coming home. And maybe you’re not supposed to find that in other people, but I can’t imagine what a lonely existence it must be to leave your heart with empty buildings only. I happen to like that my home has a heartbeat.
