All about Me!: My Remarkable Life in Show Business

by Mel Brooks

I can’t hold it in anymore; I think I’m going to burst. What to do, what to do…Ah! I’ve got it! I see my answer. An open window.

All I can say is that in my case comedy was keeping the joy of a happy childhood going strong.

nothing helps you to succeed like failure.

Fort Sill is in the southwest corner of Oklahoma. It’s cold, it’s flat, and it’s windy. If you ever have a chance, don’t go there.

What’s a booby trap? Well, for instance, if you were sitting on the john and pulled the chain behind you sometimes instead of the flushing sound you might hear a loud explosion and find yourself flying through the air. Which would mean that a booby trap was positioned in the water closet above the toilet.

If you don’t have anyone in your life like Carl Reiner, stop reading this right now and go find someone!

It was a difficult period of my life, but good friends and good food will get you through the roughest times.

“Listen, big shot, don’t leave such a big tip with my money!” She could hit pretty hard, so I never did that again.

Chief: Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Max: No, Chief. I’m thinking what I’m thinking.

After the assistant director said, “Quiet on the set!” I began directing by shouting “Cut!” Everybody broke up. I said, “Oh! That’s right. First I say ‘action,’ and then I say ‘cut.’ ” But it worked. Everybody on the set relaxed. Even I relaxed. And then we began shooting.

Frau Blücher. (Horses whinny!)

I think it’s easier to make people cry than laugh. Laughter is the true test of your talent.

Even though we invented ludicrous speed, somehow it caught on! Obviously famous Tesla automaker Elon Musk is a fan of Spaceballs. His cars feature a ludicrous mode and he’s even announced that for a future model they’ll be “going to plaid.” Which happens later in Spaceballs when, in a twist on Star Trek’s warp-speed visual effect, the Spaceballs One ship actually goes to “plaid.”

We’re men, we’re men in tights. We roam around the forest looking for fights. We’re men, we’re men in tights. We rob from the rich and give to the poor, that’s right! We may look like sissies, but watch what you say or else we’ll put out your lights! We’re men, we’re men in tights, Always on guard defending the people’s rights!

Parents often tell me that they introduce Mel Brooks pictures to their kids by starting with Robin Hood. (I imagine it takes a while longer before they let them see Blazing Saddles.)

Tom had set a meeting with Mike and Stro for the afternoon after I was scheduled to arrive in New York. But I got to New York earlier than I expected, so I did something a little crazy. I went to Mike and Stro’s penthouse apartment, unannounced and unexpected. When they opened the door, I didn’t say hello, I burst into song! I started singing a song I had just written for the show, called “That Face.” A paean of praise to Bialystock and Bloom’s beautiful secretary, Ulla. I sang the song all the way down Mike and Stro’s long New York apartment hallway then jumped up on their sofa, finished the song like Al Jolson, and then said, “Hello. I’m Mel Brooks!” They laughed their heads off and embraced me. They loved my crazy entrance, but more important—they liked the song. It was a match made in heaven.

Finally, one day I grabbed her by the shoulders and said, “You just can’t cry all day. Cry in the morning before you come to the rehearsal hall. Do your work. Then go home and cry at night.

What to do, what to do?

as far as jokes were concerned, it was survival of the funniest.

Somewhere hidden behind the second balcony is a special toilet, just for the use of the queen. (I must confess that on an emergency occasion—I used it. But please don’t tell anyone!)

I was delighted to once again be offered the Kennedy Center Honors. I immediately accepted and asked them whether I could get two, because I had turned down the first one.

As Mel Brooks once said to his writers on Blazing Saddles, which is a great film: ‘Write anything you want, because we’ll never be heard from again. We will all be arrested for this movie.’

…And I made believe the medal was so heavy that I was falling! I grabbed the president to steady myself, and everybody cracked up—including the president! He warned me that he would catch me if I tried to sell the medal on eBay. So I promised to keep it, but said that I might use it as a coaster when I drink my iced tea.

Another common question was: “Mel, what’s your secret to a long life?” I always replied: “Don’t die.”

Comedy is a weird but very beautiful thing. Even though it seems foolish and silly and crazy, comedy has the most to say about the human condition. Because if you can laugh, you can get by. You can survive when things are bad if you have a sense of humor.

“Where you headed, cowboy?” “Nowhere special.” “Nowhere special…I’ve always wanted to go there.” —The Waco Kid and Sheriff Bart, Blazing Saddles