One Day Fiance

by Lauren Landish

Besides, do people really do weird stuff like have sex on treadmills when the couch or floor is right there? I mean, rug burn’s a thing, but falling dick- or tits-first onto a whirling conveyor belt sounds way less sexy and is a good way to end up as a dirty meme on the internet.

Controlling the uncontrollable, predicting the unpredictable, adapting and overcoming is what I do, but I’ve been totally thrown off my game by this five-foot-three redhead with the mouth of a sailor and the impulse control of a toddler on a sugar rush after a night of watching the sun come up.

“Hard worker, focused, able to prioritize, creative,” Connor says, rephrasing my self-describing words and turning them on their heads. “I’m not finding the problem.”

“Universe, if you’re not too busy dealing with the tides and the earth’s erosion, could you spare a moment to watch over me and Connor on this dangerous mission to see his super-scary family? Thank you. Peace, love, light, and donuts. Love, Poppy.”

Don’t piss her off. She really can get your balls in her purse if she wants.

Maybe kiss her and then kill her, my mind suggests. It’s a lot less Tim Burton that way.

“Rule in life. You start shit, expect shit. That’s true for everyone.”

I’ve got walls of concrete, built on a foundation of bedrock, and designed in a labyrinth of a maze, but she’s busting through like a bulldozer, going right for my center. It’s not an ooey-gooey soft place by any means, but the fire there suits Poppy. Instead of being burned by it, she’s acting like the embers of my soul are perfect for making some yummy s’mores.

“How about if I say that . . . romances always end in a happily ever after . . . eventually? Sometimes, the journey there is just really bumpy, sending the characters and readers through a bunch of ups and downs before they get to the final resolution.” “Like real life,” Diana says wisely. “Exactly,” I agree,

“A wise man once told me . . . if you’re not at least a little scared of your woman, she’s not the one.”

“Conan once said he preferred barbarians to polite society because a man’s a lot more respectful when he knows he might get an axe to the head.”