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We can discuss Poppy’s coochie meow-meow’s lack of petting in six minutes.”
well that's one way to put it
You can’t let just anybody into the glorious hole of your center being.”
i mean she do got a point there
Can’t a woman talk to herself without people looking at her like she’s bananas? B-A-N-A . . . dammit. Now I’m spelling out bananas like I’m a Gwen Stefani impersonator.
i can't oh my god this is me
thats a new one
Chapter One–his eyes, with Chapter Ten (inches)
This girl is hilarious i love it
I’m not done, though. Before he can hang up, I yell, “Absolutely, I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Connor is helping me out with a little laptop problem right now, but I’m sure we’ll have it straightened out in no time and will be there for dinner.”
I absolutly love this woman such a savage
“Hey, fiancé. Now, about my laptop.”
I love this energy
“Did you just pray to the universe that my family dinner goes well? And offer donuts in exchange?” “Everyone likes donuts,”
Fact
Keep your nose out of my uterus, and I promise I’ll tell you when there’s something to tell.”
I absoluetly love these charcters
Don’t piss her off. She really can get your balls in her purse if she wants.
100% true fact right here about poppy
Your mom said there’s chocolate cake for dessert, and I haven’t had cake in sixteen days. Do not get between me and cake, mister.
i feel like poppy and i are literally the same person
“A cupcake is a sexy muffin with icing. Cake is . . . cake.”
i literally can't with this girl oh my god
years. Poppy licks her fingertip and draws it through the air, giving herself a winning tally mark.
i wish poppy was real so i can be friends with her
Just remember . . . you know how in real estate, it’s location, location, location? With anal, it’s lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.
I cat get over this girl oh my god
“Men are pigs.” “That’s why I write aliens!” “That’s why we all write fictional heroes.”
ahhh good ole fictional men
“A wise man once told me . . . if you’re not at least a little scared of your woman, she’s not the one.”
that's one way to put it
“I was about to tell them I’m researching a reverse harem story with some real first-hand experience!”
i literally cannot stop laughing at everything that comes out of this girls mouth
“Conan once said he preferred barbarians to polite society because a man’s a lot more respectful when he knows he might get an axe to the head.”
interesting
Slowly, she does, but she’s tenser than a virgin asshole lubed in lemon juice.
where does this stuff come from?! i love it
