The Quarterback (The Team, #2)

by Tal Bauer

He’d watched Clarence’s passes sail through the sky that first afternoon, counting up all the over- and underthrown yards like scratches against his soul. If you had worked harder, if you had spent summer practicing rather than falling in love like an idiot, your team wouldn’t be out there stutter-stepping and diving for the ball.

Quarterbacking wasn’t only about having a good arm. That was half of the battle. The other half—the bigger half—was what Colton had loved best. The deep analysis that enabled him to read the defense on the fly, those quarter seconds of scanning the field and running through play options. Go left, go right, go up the center. Pass or hand off? Slant or hook? Go for the deep ball, or keep it close? How much time would he have in the pocket if the defense showed inside zone blitz? Who would be his number one, number two, number three receiver?

Kimbrough leaned forward. “I want you to show everyone that no one in this world tells you who you are. You’re not some kind of sideline sideshow. You’re not a Goddamn mascot. Boo-hoo, look at our little injured quarterback holding a clipboard. You are Colton Hall, and you define yourself.”

“I don’t know who I am anymore.” “Yes, you do. Start with the basics. Work your way up from there.”

One year to grow, he’d said. One year to become the man he was supposed to become.

“Don’t give up, Colton. Don’t ever give up.”

Colton didn’t have a job. He didn’t have a football team. He didn’t even have a best friend anymore. He had the taste of sweet summer wine on his lips and memories of candlelight flickering on someone else’s skin. He was Colton Hall, and he loved a man who didn’t love him back.

Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up. I want you to show everyone that no one in this world tells you who you are.

“I’m sorry,” Colton sobbed. “I’m sorry, Justin. I didn’t mean for this to happen.” “Don’t apologize for falling in love,” Justin said after a long moment. “Love happens, whether you want it to or not.”

The pain of losing Justin made him wrenchingly, violently sick, but the agony of losing Colton… There was an open wound in his chest, pulsing out waves of anguish and regret and shame. He felt like part of him was festering. Collapsing. Dying.

“You weren’t happy with Mom, I know, especially at the end. Maybe I haven’t ever seen you really happy, not like you could be. Have you ever felt like I feel with Wes? Were you…” Justin’s chin wobbled, and the granite look he’d worn since he’d stormed in dropped away for one moment,

Being with Colton wasn’t just a moment of joy or a feeling of contentment. It was a white-hot, ignite-the-stars, watch-Colton-sleep-to-hold-on-to-every-moment feeling. Happiness, and so much more. The way Wes looked at Justin and Justin looked at Wes, and more.

“Are you happy with Colton? Does being with him make you happy?” He stared at Justin over the tips of his fingers. White-hot, ignite the stars, watch Colton sleep to hold on to every single moment. Dreams he wouldn’t let himself color in, as if refusing to imagine them would stop his heart from falling that much farther. “Happier than I’ve ever been. I didn’t know I could feel this way for anyone. Especially not a man.” Justin tried to smile. It was weak, strained. “Maybe you’re gay on your son’s side.”

In his dreams, he was always running to Nick. Running across the field, or running to catch up to him, or, recently, running to chase him as he slipped away. Always, always him running to Nick, but at one a.m. in the middle of a dark street, Nick ran to him.

“I love you,” Nick breathed. “Colton, I love you.” His hands were shaking, and he held on to Colton like he thought Colton was going to vanish. His eyes were wide, panicked, all of him vibrating with a fear Colton had never seen in him before. “I fell in love with you so hard it scared me. I didn’t think there was any way you could love me back, not with everything you have in your life. So I tried not to let myself dream of things that would never happen.” His voice broke. “But I can’t stop. I can’t stop loving you. It’s probably impossible, but I have to tell you. I can’t go another day like this. I can’t not tell you that I love you. God, Colton, I love you, and I never want you to leave. I want to be with you, however we can. Whatever that looks like. I’ll do anything.”

“Maybe I’m too late.” Nick’s voice broke on a strangled cry. “I get it. I understand if I’m not your choice, Colton. I never imagined I could compare to your future. Why would you want me when you have the whole world at your fingertips?” Colton shook his head. “I didn’t want the rest of the world, Nick. I only wanted our world.” “I want that world, too. I want forever with you.”

Something invisible connected them, a tie that ran from his heart to Nick’s and back. It was battered and frayed now, but still there. Still strong.

He only wanted to be loved, and cherished, and needed by one person in the world. And he was.

“The only thing I ever wanted more than football was for someone to love me.” Colton’s voice was small and soft. His deepest secret, laid bare for Nick to have and to hold. “I do love you, Colton. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. Every night, after you fell asleep, I’d stay up and watch you as long as I could. I didn’t want the day to end, because I didn’t want to be closer to the day you’d leave. I had to tell myself what we had was just summer and we were just a fling because I couldn’t face the idea of loving you and losing you. But all the lies I told myself didn’t matter. I fell in love with you anyway.”

It didn’t feel right to Colton to make a statement and come out as something he didn’t know whether he was. He didn’t know if he was gay or if he was bi, because there wasn’t anyone else he loved or wanted or craved. He was Nick-sexual, he joked.

“You, like, renting a room from him?” “No. Not moving in like that.” Art’s eyes had gone as wide as the sun, and his jaw dropped as he stared at Colton for a full minute. “I… I didn’t know you were…” “Neither did I.” He’d shrugged as he finished packing a box and sealed the lid. “Kind of a surprise to me when it happened.”

Art had walked into Colton’s room—Wes and Justin’s room, as soon as he got his stuff out—and held out his fist for a bump. “Get it, sugar baby. Found yourself a daddy, ye-ah.”

Colton heard Orlando’s “No fucking way” and Justin’s indignant squawk, and then the chorus to “Father Figure” shook the walls. After that, everyone in the house knew.

The team found out after practice in September, when Colton said hello to Nick with a kiss, right there on the sideline, after working with Clarence on passing drills. His friends had wolf whistled while the rest of the team stared. Two players, looking at Colton instead of their route, plowed into each other. Everyone was happy for him, though. So happy, in fact, they gave him the nickname Sugar, for sugar baby. Thanks a lot, Art.

“Was Wes Van de Hoek Covering for the Real Gay Texan Football Player?”

Omg! That's hilarious!

He’d led his team onto Texas’s field in front of a hundred thousand fans screaming his name. He and Wes stopped on the fifty-yard line, and he’d waved and waved and waved to the crowd until tears rolled down his cheeks.

Late in the second quarter, he connected with Wes on a slant pass that led to a breakaway, and Wes sprinted thirty-six yards to the end zone. The fans went wild, and he ran down the field after Wes to leap into his arms. It was their moment, and he soaked up every molecule he could: The feel of Wes and him together in the end zone.

And when he and Wes jogged to the sideline, he saw Nick and Justin together in the stands, beaming down at them. In his moment, his perfect moment, he’d turned to the stands and found the man he loved. Their love and their future unfurled between them, forever and happiness and all his dreams with Nick.

He had choices, options, futures in front of him. He’d never thought he’d have different paths to choose from, but here he was, planning his future in conjunction with Nick. Planning a life for we, not me.

Nick threaded their fingers together and kissed the back of his hand. He pulled Colton close, as close as Wes and Justin were dancing, and pressed his lips against Colton’s ring finger. “That could be us one day,” Nick said softly.

He went still, his skin burning, as he stared at Nick. “Are you asking me—” “I’m not pulling a Wes.” Nick smiled, and he kissed Colton’s ring finger again. “This is a heads-up, though. I want to marry you, Colton, and I’m going to really ask you, soon, if that’s what you want.”

“Of course I want to marry you. I dreamed about marrying you. I dreamed about growing old with you—”

“I could fall in love with the idea of having a child with you.” Nick kissed him, soft and slow. “I could fall in love with that idea easily,” he said against Colton’s lips. He kissed him again, and then again. Tightened his arms and held Colton to him. “Marry me?” “I thought you said you weren’t asking yet.”

“I changed my mind. I don’t want to wait to hear you say you’ll marry me or that we’re going to have a life together,” Nick said. “Marry me, Colton. Like this, or on a beach, or we could run away to Vegas, just the two of us. Or we can fly anywhere you want. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Marry me. Please?”

“Of course I’ll marry you.” He cupped Nick’s face and leaned in, kissing him softly. “I don’t care where,” he breathed against Nick’s lips. “Or how. I want the rest of my life with you, too.” “Vegas it is, then.” Nick winked. “Tonight.” He barked out a laugh as the world started to fade back in.

Justin led a toast. “To my dad, and to the love of his life, Colton: I’ve never seen my dad happier, and I’ve never seen a couple so in love. Other than us, of course.”

“Take care of him, okay?” “I will. I always will.” “And he’ll always take care of you. You’re his forever, Colton. Everyone can see it.”

Wes’s hand landed on Colton’s back, and he turned to Wes, smiling— And it hit him: this is the family I always wanted. Unconditional love. Acceptance. Arms that wrapped around him and held him tight. Two brothers, one who built him up and another who challenged him, who stayed up and waited for him to come home with his dad and then made coffee for them both in the morning. Who never said I love you with words but who had dug down inside himself and recreated his whole world so Nick and Colton could build a love story together.

He’d never imagined himself this happy. Even when he dreamed about the NFL, something had been missing. He’d thought he wanted a team, and for a while, that worked. But what he really wanted—what he really needed—was a family. The love of his life. The one man he’d been waiting for his whole life. The man who rewrote his life in all the shades of happiness that existed. The man he loved, and who loved him, forever.