Private Player

by Louise Bay

“You’re not very charming,” I said. “I’m great company. I’m funny—sometimes—and I’m definitely a good listener. You don’t need to be drunk to speak to me.” He chuckled. “That’s not what I said.”

I had a few more ideas of what she could do with her tongue when she was done with the tequila.

But this tequila . . . Asombroso’s Del Porto . . . This was better than most things I put in my mouth. Women aside.

“I’ll expect a certificate if I make it through the entire evening.” “Maybe we’ll be through the small talk by then. You never know—we might be mere moments away from confessing our darkest secrets, connecting on a deeper level.” “Or we might end up naked, connecting on a physical level,”

have no interest in getting married, so it’s not something I’ve considered.” “Oh?” I said, painting on a disappointed expression. “And I was working up the courage to propose.” He chuckled. “Well, if you’re asking, maybe I’d say yes.”

The heat of him warmed me like fire. I just hoped I wouldn’t get burned.

I enjoyed sex. There was nothing better. But that? That was something I didn’t quite have a word for.

“I’m not stupid.” “I know that.” She was a lot of things but dumb wasn’t one of them. She was sexy. And gorgeous. And she made me laugh. I found myself liking her and enjoying the talking almost as much as the sex. Before the end of the night, she might even change how I felt about weddings.

Paralyzed by sex.

He was made even sexier by sex, if that was possible.

the last thing I wanted to do was fall asleep in his arms and wake up with him gone. I didn’t want tonight to end with a disappointment. Not when it had been anything but so far.

“Dalliance?” I asked, amused at his charming euphemism. “Did we step back in time to nineteen fifty-three?” He looked me dead in the eye. “If people find out we fucked on Saturday.” He raised his eyebrows. “Better?”

before Saturday it had been a while since I’d had sex. And I’d never had sex like the kind Nathan and I had. But he didn’t need to know either of those things. The fact was, I hadn’t told anyone.

“It’s more than that. I can tell by the way you look at her.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” “Mate, your eyes follow her around the room. It’s like you need some kind of connection with her at all times.”

she’d cancelled the lunch with the cheeky bastard trying to steal Madison’s story just like I’d asked her too.

I wanted her. Not just for the night. I wanted more than that. I just wasn’t sure what exactly.

Madison was mine.

Her. I could want her, more than I’d ever wanted any woman in my life.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “That means a lot to me.” “That’s why I did it.”

“It’s just, I really like you,” I confessed. I liked the way she thought. The way she laughed and the way she touched me. I liked the way her conker-brown eyes gave way to a dazzling gold when she was tired or a little drunk. And even though the Post profile was a complete nuisance, I missed her when she wasn’t hounding me with questions.

I was so full of need. The need to touch, to kiss, to fuck. The need to get closer. The need for Madison. This woman. This fucking woman.

He might have a body like Jason Momoa, but it was more than that. It was the way he looked at me, as if I were the only woman he’d ever seen. Like he’d swim through shark-infested waters just to hold me. Like he’d never lie to me. It was the most intoxicating, exhilarating, thrilling feeling.

“Look how great your breasts look in my hands. Watch how our bodies fit as if they were made for each other. See how you sink down on me as I drive up into you, like you just can’t get enough.”

“We’re perfect together,”

Nothing ever had felt this good. And nothing could make me walk away from what we had. I wanted to stay like this forever. Together. With Nathan.

I should have known better than to trust her. She was a journalist, after all, and the apple never falls far from the tree.

If kindles hd emojis this would get the middle finger

if I’d been honest, as I’d been planning, Nathan would more than likely have forgiven me. That’s not how it was meant to be. And when he read the article, the coffin lid would be nailed tightly shut on our relationship.

don’t underestimate yourself. Most people wouldn’t have seen Nathan like you did. You might not realize how deeply you feel, but it was clear to me as someone who’s known him a long time, that you saw his core—his soul and his goodness. You simply said what everyone who loves him has wanted to say to him for a long time. We just . . . haven’t had the courage.”

I'd realized I was very much in love with a man I’d managed to turn against me.

If life could change so quickly, I had to hold on to hope that it would change again.

Now that my eyes had been opened, I had work to do. It was time to close the book on one chapter of my life, and hopefully turn the page on another.

Babies. A family of my own. I’d always been so sure that those things had never been in my future. But now? Nothing about my future was certain.

Apparently, my mother hadn’t spoken to my father for a week after he’d taken his eye off me and I’d careered into the pool. “But you came up, doggy paddle in full motion, and that was it—from then on you could swim. With the other boys, they all had pool noodles and arm bands and swimming lessons. But not you. You just swam. From six months, that was it. But that’s you, Nathan.”

“I just want to make you proud,” I said, meaning every word. I loved my parents so much. My entire family was my world. “Well, you did that the day you were born and every day since. It’s true of all my boys.”

“Relationships are complicated, my darling. But it’s clear from that article she wrote that she knows you in a way few people do.”

She might even know me better than I knew myself.

“You know what we mean, son,” my father said. “We know you took the fall for him.”

For years I’d been carrying around a sack of rocks and my parents had just turned them to feathers. It was as if somehow, I’d been set free.

“I don’t have flowers or balloons or someone writing it in the sky. All I have is me. And it’s not much of a grand gesture, but I need to tell you that I love you.”

“Perhaps I should spend that time working at being a boyfriend.”

“More specifically, your boyfriend,”

“I’m not sure. I’ve never done it before, so I’m going to need to work at it. But I want to try. I want . . . you.”

That is so cute Im gonna throw up

“You want me?” I asked. “Even after everything that . . . Everything I’ve done?” “Maybe because of it,” he said. He paused as if he was checking himself. “Having had some time and after listening to Jacob, I think I understand now that you saw me more clearly than I saw myself. Wanted more for me than I dared to want. Liked me better than I liked myself.”

“I knew you were trouble when I invited you to Norfolk. It’s a sacred place. It must have been love even then.” “You love me?” “Yes, Madison. I love you. I don’t want to lose you. I want to see me and the world through your eyes. I want to figure out what I do next with your help. I just . . . want you. Full stop.”

“You know I was coming to see you as soon as I’d handed in my resignation,”

I was determined to stay kissing this man for the rest of my life.

“Whatever happens between us, I don’t think I’ll ever move on from you. It’s like you’re a part of me now. And some part of me . . . it will always be yours.” He was more than a man I loved. He was a man I respected. A man I enjoyed talking with. A man I didn’t ever want to be without. “I feel more myself when I’m with you.”

I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more in the world than to be with someone who made me more me, or thought I made him more him. We were the best versions of ourselves with each other. We were more.

“You shouldn’t say things like that to me. Scratch that. You should say things like that to me a lot. Just not right now.”

A picture flashed across my mind of us at ninety. I’d have lost all my hair and Madison’s red locks will have turned white, but there we were, together, holding hands like no time had passed at all.