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try not to think of how fucked up my life has become in the past year, how much of a lie it’s all been, or worse, how much I’ve lost, we’ve lost. Shoving it all to the back of my mind, I allow myself to shut down. I must doze off because a short while later, I blink my eyes open and find Ren leaning across my seat to look out the small window at something off in the distance.
I don’t know how yet, but I will get through this year.
My father might be the rat, but through association, I am as well. In the criminal underground, a rat is the worst thing you can be. People who are enemies will work together to bring you down because a rat is a loose end, and loose ends can bring empires to their knees.
I knew what kind of person my father was, so I wanted to be the opposite. I thought becoming a doctor would balance the scale. I would help people, save lives instead of ending them. At least, that’s what I had planned.
I wanted nothing to do with this life while he was born and bred into
“What I want are your screams, your tears. I want you weak and immobile. I want you begging me to stop while I take and take until there’s nothing left to take.”
All she’s worried about is her stupid little book, and I fucking hate it. I hate that she is ignoring me. I hate that my dick is getting hard just from looking at her. I hate everything about Aspen Mather.
“No one goes into her room besides me. No one touches her besides me. No one torments her besides me. She is mine and mine alone. If I find any of you are doing anything to her, I will cut off your balls and shove them down your throat. Is that clear?”
“I want you to remember who owns you here. I want you to remember that I can do whatever I want to you, whenever I want to. Say it. Tell me it’s true.”
Nobody tells you that grief is like living two lives, one where you’re forced to move on and go day by day living, and the other where your heart bleeds with every thump. A wound that will never heal.
“Pretend you don’t want me. In fact, pretend for both of us because now that I’ve had a taste of you, I don’t know if I can ever go back.”
“I know. I don’t have to do a damn thing when it comes to you, but I do it anyway.”
As fucked up as it is, she is my missing piece. The calm to my storm, the virtue to my wickedness.

