I'd Like to Play Alone, Please

by Tom Segura

Days before he passed, he asked me if I knew what happens after someone dies. “What?” “The world goes on.”

I had a few poor friends who had T-Mobile, and their phones would just automatically shut off. We’re no longer friends (they were really poor!).

White America, we are guilty of said charge. We take and take and exploit and profit from the works of others. It’s nothing new. We “found” this land that other people lived on and took that shit too. White people—we’re just a good time!

Use what you have. That’s the real lesson. If you have looks, exploit those to your advantage. If you’re big and strong, intimidate people and maybe physically assault them if you need to. Me? I’m going to talk shit if you press me.

Dads love complaining.

You know how crazy Florida is, right? Insane shit basically is the norm in Florida. Every other news story with an out-of-this-world headline has a good shot of coming out of Florida.

The world is full of disappointment. In sports, jobs, but most of all, in people.

“You’re two hundred fifty pounds. That’s a lot. Sometimes it’s good to be fat.”

Kudos for the rec, Chris Noth. You’re the only worthwhile white I’ve ever flown with. I really hope the accusations against Noth aren’t true. If you can’t trust someone who recommends Downton Abbey to be a good person, who can you trust in this world?

I’m not special, but I didn’t wait for something to happen. I took calculated risks, and you can and should do the same. Make the life you want happen for yourself because you really can.

I love to play alone. I would take it further and say that I need to be alone. Not all the time, of course. I’m not a recluse. I actually love being around people, until I don’t. The perfect social setting for me is being surrounded by people I care about and love, and not too many of them. I love a small hang. But I need to be able to say, “I gotta go,” sometimes without warning when I need some time to myself. It’s just the way I am.