Out of the Blue

by Jason June

I’ll need somebody to drag me out of here after it happens. Maybe that’s why the club has a two-lifeguards-at-a-time rule, in case one of us collapses from heartache.

“What are you doing?” Dominic asks. Kavya places her hands at the small of her back and bends backward while exhaling. “Stretching,” she says, her voice wispy as the word escapes with the air in her lungs. Dominic raises an eyebrow. “For what?” “For chasing you the fuck out of my pool.” A mom gasps and covers her toddler’s ears, while a few of the SFGs holler, “That’s right!”

Its me… im the sfg

I walk as fast as I can to the back of the Beach Burritos line snaking around the bright yellow cinder-block building. I’ve got my head down, never looking back so Ross knows I’m not some desperate loser who asked him on a bodysurfing date. But as I hustle away, I hear, “Hey, slow down, would you?”

“No, right, dumped.” Ross says it like he was always up to speed. “Separated. Finished. Over.” Ouch, ouch, and ouch.

Blue below, I just said human legs are a masterpiece. One day on land and I’m already becoming a human sympathizer?

Sean sighs with his whole body. He looks so sad that I feel like it’s my duty to try to make him feel at least a little better.

“Yeah,” Sean finally says. “Great.” But he says it like his heart’s not in it. And for some reason, that lifts mine.

We’re told all our lives to go with the flow and trust the Blue knows what it’s doing. So if it pushed me in Sean’s direction, if it’s giving me these satisfying bubbles in my belly with his hand on my hip and those jellyfish tingles when we kiss, that must mean I’m supposed to feel it. That I’m supposed to swim into this contact.

Practice? It felt like so much more than that to me. It felt like Ross wanted it, needed it, and every single bit of me did too.

I realize that the Blue might not be able to give me everything I need. Because I need this. Because I need Sean.