Beard Science (Winston Brothers, #3)

by Penny Reid

He was holding back, I could sense his hesitation. I was dying and he gave me only raindrops to quench the thirst.

I wasn’t going to twist myself into knots, try to be something I wasn’t. I wasn’t crying over him or anyone else. I am who I am. I am who I’m becoming.

If he didn’t like me for who I was, then . . . he can keep his bull, because the cow just died.

I would fall in love with you and then you’d break my heart.” “I can’t break your heart without breaking mine, and I’m terribly fond of my heart.”

“You want to know what you are to me? Fine. You’re my beginning, middle, and end.”

She had my heart. I wanted hers very, very badly. And I wanted her heart for the long term. I would do whatever was required to demonstrate the depth of my regard. I wanted her to feel good. But I would not lose control. Losing control would mean losing her.

She was so beautiful, my Jennifer. And not because of her eyes, or face, or any other outward attributes. The person she was held me transfixed. How could I have disregarded her? How could I have looked at her with anything but wonder and respect and desire?

“So . . . what?” Her tone held a hint of irritation and desperation. “You tell me you love me and want to, what? Shake hands?” “No. I don’t want to shake hands.”

I loved her both rationally and irrationally. And I wanted her with a ferocity that had kept me awake at night and tortured during the day.

Love negated experience. Completely and utterly. Love negated so many things.

I wanted her naked and beneath me. I wanted her on her knees. I wanted her bent over and gasping. I wanted her on top, using me to pleasure herself.

I was suffering from a type of heartburn caused by missing a person.

“I suppose you have lots of experience, with half-dressed women. It’s probably no big deal to you.” “A half-dressed woman is always a big deal.”

I liked the idea of being unwrapped, like a present. But only if I could unwrap him, too. “Did you come here to unwrap me?” I asked hopefully, relaxing my hold on the coat. He smiled, his clever eyes narrowing just a bit. “Are you my present?” Yes.

Is that my voice? Good Lord. I sound sexy.

“I’d like to understand you.” “I told you, I’m not very understandable.”

no one can control who you are—fundamentally, who you are in your heart—except for you. The decision is always yours.”

“No matter what happened in your past, what ghosts might lurk there, the road you take is ultimately up to you,” I squeezed him back, “but—selfishly—I hope it’s always the road I’m on.”

“Three things cannot hide for long: the Moon, the Sun and the Truth.” Gautama Buddha

“Isn’t that what you want now? Isn’t that what all this husband business was about? Someone to take care of you?” Cletus reached above the front door and seemed to be fiddling with something I couldn’t see. “No! That wasn’t and isn’t the point at all. I wanted someone—I want someone—I can take care of. Not the other way around. I have all this energy and affection and I’ve had no one to share it with, no one to give it to.

I’d been sleeping for twenty-two years. I felt like, for the first time in my life, I was finally conscious. Life was finally happening. I was making it happen.

I stared at him and, for the first time, I felt like I was really seeing him. He didn’t love me. He used the word love like a weapon, as a means of control, as a way to ensure my blind obedience.

It was the end of an era. It’s true. As a rule, I didn’t like change. My Jennifer continuously surprised me, and her surprises were a thing of beauty. She’d forced me to re-evaluate my priorities and she’d pushed me beyond the contented circle of my comfort zone. She’d changed me. For the first time in my life, change was synonymous with hope and anticipation. I looked forward to it. And that was revolutionary.

Believing in people hadn’t ever come easily to me. I was by nature suspicious and distrustful, mostly because—if the standardized IQ curve was to believed—the majority of people were idiots.

“And just because someone has secrets doesn’t mean they’re evil.”

“Just because someone is an idiot doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. And just because someone is smart doesn’t mean they’re good.”

“If ignorance is bliss, then knowledge is a cage.” “But knowledge is only a cage if you dwell in isolation.”

“Everything is temporary, Cletus. This,” he gestured to our surroundings, “this is temporary. Even mountains fall. Nothing lasts forever. You got a chance at happiness, even for a week, a month, a year? You grab it and hold on to it for as long as it lasts. I want you to seize.” “You want me to seize?” I asked flatly, lifting my eyebrow at his little performance. “That’s right. You seize that woman, Cletus. You make her yours. And then after,” still grinning, Duane dropped his hand on my shoulder and gave me a little shake, “you give that woman your sausage.”

It’s time you started building your tribe. But if I can make a suggestion?” I cleared my throat, still clogged with emotion. “Go right ahead, all tips are welcome.” “Stay away from the normals.” “The normals?” “Yep.” She nodded once, the side of her mouth hitching in a way that reminded me of Cletus. “Stay away from the normals, the small-minded people who fill their brains with small-minded pursuits, who blend in and keep up with the Joneses. Those people will tear you down and make you boring. Instead, surround yourself with the weirds. With the misfits, oddballs, and outcasts. Because the normals, bless their hearts, have no idea how to have fun.”

“Momma.” “I thought I raised you and your brother right. But obviously I did something wrong, because Isaac won’t even talk to me and you’re running off in the middle of the night to be with the town oddball because you don’t like yellow dresses anymore.”

We hugged. And it was perfection. His body, his embrace was where I wanted to be always. I hoped—in the future, whenever we fought—we’d always end our arguments with a hug.

“You’ll always have the advantage of me, Jenn. Because I’m lost without you.”

No one expects an eighty-five-year-old Navy SEAL stripper. No one. And that was the beauty of George.

“How are you?” Her smile grew and her eyes lowered to my lips. “I missed you.” She missed me. Life is good.

I didn’t think I’d ever get tired of telling her she was right.

This was our beginning. I couldn’t wait for the middle. And I never wanted it to end.

“You are lovely, Jenn. No matter what color you paint your hair, I love it and I love you.” His gaze returned to mine and he added on a rumbly whisper, “But it’s your goodness, kindness, and heart that makes you beautiful.”

My life was full of too many wonderful things. I decided I didn’t have time or energy to waste on pointless endeavors.

“Using moist for cake is the only time it’s okay,” Ashley confirmed. “Otherwise it’s a no go.” “Wait a minute, that’s a good point.” Beau pointed at Ashley, then at me. “Let’s talk about Jennifer’s moist cake for a minute.” “Beau. Stop it.” Cletus did not sound amused. “Quit.” I straightened and sat forward, meeting Beau’s twinkling and teasing gaze. “I think it’s pretty obvious why my cake is so moist.” Everyone—and I do mean everyone—frowned, blinked, and turned their startled gazes to me. Despite all the eyes leveled on my person, I managed to sound completely reasonable and calm as I said, “It’s the banana. The banana in my cake makes it wet.”

I knew, without a doubt, that this was where I belonged. I’d found my tribe. I’d found my people. I’d found my person. And I’d found myself.