Find Me (WITSEC, #1)

by Ashley N. Rostek

My feet felt cemented to the floor as I stood frozen by fear. “Shi, run!” Shayla cried out just before Mr. X slid his knife across her throat, silencing her forever.

My gaze tore away from Shayla—my sister, my twin—to Mr. X.

I’d bought this three-bedroom Craftsman without even seeing it first. I had been relieved and happy it had looked just like the pictures the realtor had sent me. Because Logan and I had been hidden away in the Alaskan mountains for the past year, I’d had to do the entire house-buying process online and through email. Why? Well, because of WITSEC—a.k.a. the witness security program or witness protection. My life in WITSEC had started the summer before my senior year.

Logan’s position as a U.S. Marshal and my guardian had given him a little pull in deciding where we would be sequestered. Alaska had been beautiful but cold and isolated. The nearest neighbor had been miles away and it had been an hour drive to town, which had a population of no more than five hundred people. It was the perfect place to hide, temporarily. I’d needed time to recover, rehabilitate, and get a crash course in intense survival skills from Logan. Just in case.

I unzipped my jacket and slipped it off, revealing the long scar on my inner right arm. It started at the crease of my elbow and ended at my wrist. Even a year later, I could feel the phantom sensation of Mr. X’s blade tearing open my skin.

Until I found that strength, I refused to leave the house without wearing clothes that covered my scars, no matter the temperature outside. Just thinking about the heat, I started to second guess my move to Arizona.

Logan glanced down to make sure my slim black GPS anklet tracker was around my right ankle, then back up to the holster before I covered it with my jacket. I caught him taking me in from head to toe. I twirled around for him because I knew he was memorizing my appearance and exactly what I was wearing in case I didn’t come back.

“Why don’t you go shower and then we’ll get breakfast?” Logan suggested. “Yesterday, you said you were craving crepes. Want to go somewhere that makes them?” I frowned. Logan was a bona fide drill sergeant. If he wasn’t ordering me about, something was up. Acting apprehensive was his tell. “If you got something to say, just say it.” His eyes locked with mine and I instantly became nervous. I knew whatever he had to tell me wasn’t good. “Ian called.” Ian was his superior and the only other soul who knew my whereabouts. “They got a lead. Highway patrol pulled a man over matching X’s description in North Carolina a few days ago. The cop radioed in for backup, but they didn’t get there in time. X fled. The cop was DOA. Ian’s calling me in to help.”

WITSEC had given me a new life. I couldn’t take it for granted. It was time to move forward and I was going to do that bravely and adventurously. Like Shayla.

My mom had been wrong. It wasn’t the table that was the heart. It was the people who sat at it.

“Smoking kills, you know,” a masculine voice said, startling me. My eyes snapped open and I whipped my head in the direction of the source. Standing on the other side of the oleander bush was one of the twins I’d seen earlier today— the one with the messy bed-head hairstyle. I watched as his eyes roamed over me from my lilac ponytail to my boots. “So can sneaking up on a girl at night,” I said.

“You’re not peer pressuring one of the neighbor boys into smoking, are you?” he drawled as if really serious. “Well, you know me. My life of debauchery wouldn’t be as satisfying if I didn’t add the corruption of others,” I said, my tone sounding caustic.

I had more than just the scars on my arm, wrists, and ankles. I had two really bad ones on my stomach and one on my back shoulder. The ones on my stomach were from stab wounds that had almost killed me.

This was it. I was going to be on my own for who knew how long. Logan hadn’t left my side since I’d woken up in the hospital a little over a year ago. He’d helped me heal, stood with me through my pain, and held my hand after I’d had nightmares. He’d helped me become stronger, a fighter, a survivor.

She rolled her eyes and stomped over to her full-length mirror next to her closet. “You haven’t heard from Mr. X in over a month. He’s probably moved on to better things than sending love letters to a teenaged girl.”

“I saw Creed outside. He said you ditched him for some chi—” He stopped talking when his stare moved to me and his green eyes did a slow perusal from my head to my toes before he plastered on a charming smile I was sure he used on all the girls. “Well, hello, gorgeous. You must be new?” Oh, jeez. I tilted my head slightly and smirked. “What was your first clue?” The jock’s brows shot up in surprise and Colt laughed. “Shiloh’s immune to your charm, dude. Just be nice and introduce yourself or she’ll chew you up and spit you out before you even know what’s happening.” I folded my arms under my breasts. “I’m not that bad,” I mumbled, making Colt laugh some more.

I looked in the living room and spotted my dad lying on the couch. He seemed to be sleeping, but the large dark stain on his white shirt drew me closer. I flicked on the lamp and a scream ripped its way up my throat. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming out. Tears filled my eyes as I took in my dad’s butchered, prone body. His eyes were open, vacant depths. His arm was hanging off the side of the couch, fingers lying limp on the carpet. His entire stomach had been ripped open and his insides were pulled out.

“That’s perfectly fine, Shi. Healing isn’t a race and if anyone tries to pressure you into anything you’re not ready for, just remember what I taught you.” “I don’t think stabbing a teenage boy in the carotid is the best course of action.” “You never know.” The smile I could hear in his voice caused the corners of my own mouth to lift.

A hand grabbed my shoulder. I didn’t know if it was because I had just talked about Mr. X or what, but fear exploded in my chest and my survival instincts took over. I dropped the bag of soil, grabbed the hand on my shoulder, and threw my elbow back at the person behind me. They caught my elbow with a skilled dodge before it could touch them. So I hooked my foot around their leg and slammed my whole body backward into theirs. With my music still playing, I felt rather than heard their grunt jump in their chest. By the lack of breasts and the masculine smell, I was betting my attacker was male. We both fell to the ground and I rolled off of him with my hands still locked around his. My plan was to hyperextend his arm. As I threw my legs over his neck and chest, my gaze locked with wide, familiar, golden brown eyes. The person I had just taken to the ground was the twins’ flirty older brother. “Keelan!” I quickly ripped my earbuds out and was met with the sound of laughter. Standing in their driveway, Colt and Creed were bent over laughing. A slow, bright smile stretched across Keelan’s mouth. “I think I’ve met my soulmate.” He shifted under me and groaned. “Can I have my arm back now?”

“Jealous you didn’t get a shake to share with Shiloh?” I heard Keelan ask Creed. I glanced over at Creed to see him glaring at his older brother. “Shut up,” he grumbled. Keelan just smirked.

“I think she likes you.” His brows rose. “Stephanie?” Creed snorted. “Colt isn’t the one she likes.” “Yeah, she’s had it bad for Knox for a couple of years now,” Colt said. “Really? She blushed when talking to you,” I pointed out. They both laughed. “You blush all the time,” Creed said. “That’s because I’m shy,” I grumbled as my cheeks scorched. Creed gestured to my face, laughing harder. “You’re like an innocent cherry tomato.”

She glared at me. “If I hadn’t bitched in public to my friends the next day about moving, Mr. X wouldn’t have found out and slaughtered us a week later.” Her voice became raspy toward the end and a red line appeared around her throat before blood sprayed out of it, soaking me.

I wasn’t sure if it was the wet ground or the weakness in my legs, but my foot slipped forward and backward I fell. I yelped as one of my legs shot up in the air and I landed on my butt. “Ow,” I groaned. All four of them were there in an instant. Colt leaned down behind me and lifted me up to my feet from under my arms like I weighed nothing. “Are you okay?” Colt asked. “Yeah. More embarrassed than anything. I think I just flashed everyone,” I said as I pulled down my skirt. “No,” Colt said at the same time Keelan and Creed said, “Yes.” Keelan looked to Knox. “I have the sudden urge to binge watch all the Superman movies.” I blushed big time.

I had a feeling I’d proven myself worthy to Creed because he had been showing me his sweet side more and more lately.

Colt shook his head. “You’re not going to sit on a metal bench for hours in pain.” I opened my mouth to argue. “Shi, if you don’t let it go, I’m going to throw you over my shoulder and carry you to the girls’ locker room to get your shit,” Creed threatened in a deep, firm voice.

“Shiloh, a word,” Mr. X said as I tried to dash out of the classroom. I squeezed my textbook tightly in front of my chest as I spun on my heel, with a polite smile plastered on my face. “I have to catch the bus, Mr. X,” I said, hoping he’d let me leave. Mr. X made me feel…unsettled. I didn’t like the way he watched me or found ways to touch me. Shayla had laughed it off when I’d tried to talk to her about it. She’d said that I was imagining things—that there was no way our high school’s beloved English teacher would be interested in a freshman girl.

“Can you blame a girl for looking? Keelan is very pretty.” “Thanks, Shiloh,” Keelan said, his tone hinting that he was amused. My back was to him now and even though I was displaying fake bravado, there was no way I would’ve been able to look him in the eye right now without blushing like crazy. “You’re welcome,” I shot over my shoulder. Both Colt and Creed frowned. “I’ve tried to tell them that I’m the prettiest, but they’ve never believed me,” Keelan said.

“I don’t go back on my promises. If you’re embarrassed to be seen with me like this, then we don’t have to go together, but I’m going regardless of how absurd I look to support my friend.” All four of them went quiet. My eyes dropped to the carpet as I tried to keep my hurt from showing. “You got it all wrong, baby girl,” Keelan said, making me look back up at him. Before I could ask him to elaborate, Colt stepped toward me. “I know you find it hard to believe, but you’re extremely beautiful, Shiloh,” he stated and rubbed the back of his neck—his nervous habit. “You could dress up like a clown and still look gorgeous. We aren’t embarrassed to be seen with you. We’re just…” “You’re wearing another man’s jersey, looking hot as hell, and we don’t like it,” Creed said bluntly.

That poor girl. Ian had called to tell me that they had found the body of a high-school girl who had looked similar to me. She had been a victim of Mr. X. How they knew that was because he had stapled a picture of my face to her face and they’d found his DNA—a polite way of saying his semen—all over her body. She had been tortured and raped repeatedly over the span of four days.

I forced my eyes open. Creed was in the shower, squatting in front of us. His eyes dropped to my bare stomach. I knew what he was staring at. To the right of my belly button were two jagged, three-inch scars. Mr. X had stabbed me repeatedly. Both wounds had almost killed me and required hours of surgery to repair the internal damage.

Without really thinking, I pulled my sports bra over my head. When I had it off, I found them both staring at my chest. I crossed my arms over my breasts. “Don’t look!” “There was no warning!” Creed argued as he spun around. Colt averted his eyes to the ceiling. He cleared his throat and held out the shirt. “Sorry.”

“No peeking, babe,” Colt teased just before he shoved down his wet boxers. He obviously wasn’t shy. I got a glimpse of his butt before my wide eyes shot to the ceiling.

My smile dropped. “I’m sorry. You guys wanted to go out…” They both shrugged at the same time. “We can go out another time. We’ll stay in and watch a movie tonight,” Creed said and started stuffing the ice cream into the freezer. My smile returned. “Okay. What are we going to watch?” “What about something scary?” Creed suggested as he finished putting the last of the ice cream away while the rest of the guys started carting plates and dishes of food to the table. “No!” I blurted loudly. Everyone froze and my cheeks burned. “Nothing scary, please,” I said in a normal volume. I couldn’t handle the suspense. Especially when it came to slasher or home invasion horror movies. They triggered episodes of PTSD.

I sat on my bed with a tired sigh. Looking equally as tired, Creed walked around to the opposite side of the bed, pulled the covers back, and climbed into my bed. Colt and I watched as he adjusted a pillow before lying down and closing his eyes. I chuckled. “What are you doing?” Creed opened one eye, then shot up, grabbed me, and pulled me down to lie next to him. “We’re having a sleepover,” he mumbled. “You don’t want to sleep with me,” I said. Both he and Colt snorted. I frowned. “What?” “Nothing,” Colt said. “Let’s just go to sleep,” Creed whined as he snuggled me with his arm around my waist. “I have night—” “Nightmares?” Creed finished for me. “We know. Stop worrying. You’re not going to scare us away, Shi.”

“You two should go.” They both looked stricken. “If you don’t go now, I’ll grow more attached.” Neither of them moved. “Please!” I cried. “I’m more trouble than I’m worth. I cry more than I smile. I have nightmares—” Creed grabbed my face with both hands and slammed his lips onto mine. At first, I was so taken aback that I was frozen like a statue. Creed pulled back a little to look me in the eye. “I’m already attached,” he said before returning his lips to mine. My body slowly softened, and I kissed him back. Creed wasn’t gentle. His lips demanded everything I could give and when his tongue slipped past my lips to taste mine, he groaned, pushing me backward. My back collided with a chest. I broke our kiss as Colt’s hands went to my hips. I froze again, unsure what to do. I had kissed him last night and had just kissed Creed right in front of him. Creed’s gaze met his brother’s over my head. He shrugged. “She was freaking out. I panicked.” Colt sighed behind me. “Did you not think for a moment that kissing her might freak her out more?” “Why?” Creed smirked. “Because you kissed her last night?”

Creed pulled me close until my head was resting on his chest and Colt curled up behind me, with his arm around my waist. Being sandwiched between them wasn’t an escape, but I felt my sorrow and fear slowly seep away. Being held by them was better than an escape. It was relief, and for the first time in what felt like forever, it was a little easier to breathe.

I was halfway done with my second glass when something moving across my floor in front of the TV caught my attention. I had to do a double take to convince my brain I was indeed seeing an eight-legged arachnid monster. I screamed and jumped on top of my couch, panic taking hold of me. “What do I do?!” I yelled from where I stood at the furthest corner of the couch. I was seriously debating burning down my house as the tarantula continued to make its way across the floor. Its slow, hairy legs made my whole body shiver with the heebie-jeebies. Then it stopped. As if sensing me, it turned in my direction and picked up its speed. I screamed and leaped off the couch toward the front door. Feeling as if the tarantula was going to get me at any second, I swung the door open and ran next door. I banged on the guys’ front door nonstop. “Knox!” I yelled. The door ripped open. Knox stood there, taking me in with wide eyes. Without permission, I ducked under his arm and went into their house. “What’s wrong?” he demanded. I had the heebie-jeebies so bad I wiggled my arms out to get relief before hugging myself. “There’s a giant tarantula in my house.” He stared at me for a moment and then the corners of his mouth slowly started to lift. I glared at him. “Don’t you dare laugh at me.” He snorted. “Knox, it’s not funny,” I snapped. That just set him off and he started laughing.

Creed crossed his arms over his chest. “Why does he get to pick?” Knox set his phone down. “Because your girlfriend ran over here, hysterical, and begged me to remove the tarantula that got into her house.” My mouth fell open. “I was not hysterical.” Knox gave me a look that begged to differ. I sighed angrily through my nose. “Because Knox graciously helped me get rid of the tarantula and I didn’t have to bribe him or anything.” My voice was chipper and my words dripped with sarcasm. “As a thank you, I offered to make him whatever he wanted for dinner.” One side of Knox’s mouth lifted. “I would have done it for free, but I was enjoying watching you squirm with having to ask me for help.” I counted to ten in my head so I wouldn’t smack that stupid smirk off his face with a spatula. “It isn’t wise to mess with people who handle your food. Keep it up, Knox, and I might burn your pork chop.” His smirk only broadened as he stood from the island. “Go ahead,” he said and turned to leave. “Might be a better flavor than that jam you’re making,” he shot over his shoulder. I had a spatula raised above my head so fast, I shocked even myself. Colt grabbed my wrist. “Whoa, there. Why don’t we put the spatula down?” Colt took the spatula from my hand, allowing Knox to leave the kitchen safely. Creed chuckled, his eyes filled with mirth. “You should have let her chuck it at him. I would have laughed my ass off if she managed to clock him with it.”

“I would love to go to a restaurant. I, ah…don’t eat fast food,” I admitted sheepishly. “Really?” Keelan asked. “It’s against my religion,” I said, sounding serious. They both went quiet before Keelan turned in his seat to look at me. “What religion is that?” I did my best to hold back my smile. “The one I just made up.” Knox chuckled and Keelan shook his head while smiling before turning to sit properly in his seat. I went back to staring out at the window. “Fast food is nothing but fat, too much salt, grease, and thousands of calories.” “That’s what makes it good and you’re the last person who should worry about their calorie intake,” Keelan said. I sighed. “I’m a food snob, okay?” That had them both laughing. “Now that, I believe,” Knox said and Keelan nodded in agreement.

“Don’t do that. Don’t walk away,” he said, his livid eyes boring into me. “You talk about how you’re worried about us kicking you to the curb, but have you ever stopped to think that we feel you’ll do the same? You’re not the only one who has had their world shattered from the foundation up. I’ve done everything to hold my family together. We’ve worked so hard to repair our foundation and move on with our lives.” His nostrils flared as he struggled to contain his rage. “You said I push people away? That’s because everyone is a threat to what we rebuilt. You’re a threat. You barreled your way into our lives and somehow made yourself important. I don’t want to care about you, but I do, and it pisses me off.”

He chuckled as he got back to his feet. “You don’t hesitate or hold back. That’s good.” His gaze jumped to my ponytail. I cut him off before he could suggest what we would do next. “If you go for my hair, Keelan, I’ll have you face down on this floor and begging in less than five seconds.” My threat only made him grin. “Alright, baby girl. I won't pull your hair…this time.” His tone suggested something other than sparring and my mind filled with filthy thoughts.

Creed threw his arm over my shoulders and we watched Colt walk off. “What do I have to bribe you with to get a meat lover's-style pizza?” Creed whispered in my ear. I laughed. “Hmm…my price would be physical. I don’t think you’ll want to do it.” He shifted so that we were facing each other. “I think I’ll be the judge of that.” I circled my arms around his waist as I stared up at him. “What I want would involve your hands.” I brought my voice down to a whisper. “They’d have to do some rubbing and massaging and they might even get a little dirty.” The more I talked, the higher his brows rose. For a moment all he did was study me and it was taking all the willpower I had to keep a straight face. I got to bear witness to his lightbulb moment just before his shoulders slumped a little. “You’re talking about kneading pizza dough, aren’t you?” I grinned up at him innocently. “Of course. What’d you think I was talking about?”

It was then that I became very aware of everywhere we were touching. My leg was thrown over his. My upper thigh was touching a part of the male anatomy I had yet to be introduced to and it was currently hard enough to attach a flag to. His hipbone was also becoming well acquainted with the area between my legs.

Creed went to grab the tongs to pick up some chicken and Keelan smacked his hand away. “Since you’ve already eaten, you can go last.” Colt snorted and hid his mouth behind my hand that he was still holding. When he caught me staring, he cleared his throat. “Sorry.” Keelan took the tongs, picked up a piece of chicken, and put it on my plate. “I was going to serve Shiloh,” Creed deadpanned. “Well, you’ve serviced her enough tonight,” Keelan said in a put-off tone.