Find Me (WITSEC, #1)

by Ashley N. Rostek

“Oh-my-lanta, please don’t fight,” I begged. “I’m sorry. We won’t kiss ever again. We should chalk up all the kissing to curiosity amongst friends. Or better yet, how about we forget any kissing happened at all?” They both frowned at me. “Why?” they asked at the same time. Frustrated, I rubbed my cheeks dry. “You know why. There’s two of you and one of me. You’re going to make me choose and I refuse to do that.”

“Everyone is a mess. Some are just better at hiding it than others,” Creed said.

Creed sighed and sat next to me. “I hate being on the swim team. Actually, no, I hate competing. Our dad died the first time we competed at state during our freshman year.”

“It’s a high achievement to make it to state,” he continued. “I remember looking out at the stands, feeling angry that he wasn’t there to support us. He’d never missed a competition and it pissed me off that he was missing what I thought would be the most important competition in my life. We both came home with medals around our necks to find out that he’d been on his way to see us compete, but never made it. Someone had sped through a red light and T-boned him. His car had been reduced to a crushed tin can and he’d died instantly.”

“I’ve hated competing ever since,” Creed continued. “I do it because it’s what he would have wanted, and it will help me get into college and all that bullshit. But…whenever we’re at practice and Coach is yelling at us to do better, I just want to scream that I don’t care. I don’t care if I win or I lose. My life isn’t ‘live and breathe swim’ anymore.”

“What do you live and breathe for now?” I asked. He shrugged. “I don’t know. I haven’t found it yet.”

“What I’m trying to say is that the four of us know what it’s like to struggle in the trenches of our grief. It’s how we know that’s what you’re going through now.”

“I’m trying to think of a way to get you to lift your kissing ban,” he said, taking a step toward me. I took a step back, bumping into the counter. “We can’t kiss.” He put his hands on my hips, molding the front of his body with mine. “Do you want to kiss me?” My heart began to pound in my chest. I did want to kiss him. Badly. But…Colt.

“You look really beautiful today,” he said to me.

“I’m starting to miss the sweatshirts,” Creed mumbled. Surprised, I turned. “Should I put one on?” His eyes raked over me again before he looked up toward the sky, as if to curse the heavens. “No. I don’t want you to ever feel self-conscious, but at the same time, I’m a selfish bastard.”

Spray-painted in bright neon purple across my locker was the word WHORE and taped all around the word were opened and stretched-out condoms.

“Are you going to write shit on my locker next?” he openly accused her.

Without speaking, we made our way through the crowd and over to Colt’s locker. Creed was helping Colt put my stuff in his locker, leaving out the textbooks we’d need for our first class. Colt shut his locker to face me. “I’ll text you the combination.” I gave him a tiny smile. “I already know it.”

“Will you please help me get the tarantula out of my house?” “Are you sure you don’t want to wait for one of your boyfriends to help?” “The twins and I are just friends,” I said quickly. He gave me the look, one that screamed sure.

“I need to ask you something.” My relief instantly evaporated. “What?” “Why is there a gun taped under your coffee table?” I forgot how to breathe for a good minute.

“You have a security system with cameras.” “Cameras and alarms don’t stop someone from getting in,” I said with a little bit of bite. “Does it make you uncomfortable knowing that I have it? Because if so, I’m going to be honest and tell you that it’s not the only one I own. I’m eighteen, still in high school, and have no one left in this world apart from my uncle, who is on the other side of the country. When I moved here, I had zero connections. No one who would notice if I went missing. To someone who’s paying attention, I’d be the ideal target to be taken, raped, or killed. I know this might seem excessive to you, but it makes me feel safe and helps me close my eyes at night.”

“It doesn’t make me uncomfortable,” he finally said. “It makes me wonder what happened to you that you think you need all of this to feel safe.”

“I’m cooking you guys dinner,” I replied. “Knox requested pork chops and mashed potatoes.” Creed crossed his arms over his chest. “Why does he get to pick?” Knox set his phone down. “Because your girlfriend ran over here, hysterical, and begged me to remove the tarantula that got into her house.” My mouth fell open. “I was not hysterical.” Knox gave me a look that begged to differ.

“It isn’t wise to mess with people who handle your food. Keep it up, Knox, and I might burn your pork chop.” His smirk only broadened as he stood from the island. “Go ahead,” he said and turned to leave. “Might be a better flavor than that jam you’re making,” he shot over his shoulder. I had a spatula raised above my head so fast, I shocked even myself. Colt grabbed my wrist. “Whoa, there. Why don’t we put the spatula down?” Colt took the spatula from my hand, allowing Knox to leave the kitchen safely.

I, on the other hand, sat back and watched Knox’s reaction. When he noticed me staring, I arched a brow. “What do you think of my bacon jam now?” He kept his face impassive and just cut off another bite of pork chop with extra bacon jam on it. “Thought so,” I mumbled to myself triumphantly and began digging into my food.

“Don’t you have something better to do?” I bit out, my irritation quickly building. “You all need to get a life and stop obsessing about mine.”

“You just put hands on me,” I said directly to Amber and loud enough for others to hear. “If you do it again, I’ll make you eat the floor.” I was strangely calm standing against five girls who were undoubtedly getting ready to attack me. Maybe it was because I'd survived something so much worse or maybe it was because I knew I would not be a victim in this fight. I knew how to defend myself. That gave me a little bit of confidence and a sense of control I wasn’t used to having.

Amber didn’t heed my warning. When she went to shove me again, I stepped out of the way, latched onto her wrist with one hand, yanked her forward while I hooked my foot around her ankle, propelling her face first to the floor. It happened so fast that she didn’t have time to brace herself. She hit the floor with a hard thunk. Blood gushed from her nose onto the tan gym floor.

Mr. Morgan sighed as he sat behind Coach Dale’s desk. “I just want to start off by saying, we have zero tolerance for violence at this school—” “Your zero tolerance didn’t stop five girls from cornering me in the gym,” I snapped.

“Because Amber shoved you, she is being suspended. The rest of the girls received detention. As for you…” I narrowed my eyes. “You’re going to punish me for defending myself?” “With our zero tolerance for violence, my hands are tied,” Mr. Morgan said. I was floored. “May I ask what you would have done in my situation, Mr. Morgan?” “You could have yelled out for help,” he suggested. Really?

“Because I think you’re being bullied, Miss Pierce, and believe it or not my number one priority is to protect my students. Not just punish them.”

“Fast food is nothing but fat, too much salt, grease, and thousands of calories.” “That’s what makes it good and you’re the last person who should worry about their calorie intake,” Keelan said. I sighed. “I’m a food snob, okay?” That had them both laughing. “Now that, I believe,” Knox said and Keelan nodded in agreement.

The moment her scream had hit my ears, fear had spiked through me, jolting my heart to pump at a rapid speed. My hands shot up to cover my ears in an attempt to shut out the scream that was currently on repeat in my head. Only the scream didn’t belong to that girl, it belonged to Shayla. My whole body froze as that night flashed in and out, causing a shutter effect on my sight of Keelan and Knox, who were starting to give me strange looks.

“I was diagnosed with PTSD after my family died. Some things trigger me to have flashbacks of that night. I’ve learned to pull myself out when it happens. But this one kind of blindsided me because I haven’t had an episode in six months.”

the twins have imprinted on you, so we’re kind of stuck with each other now.” That made me laugh.

“I think we’re about to get into trouble, Knox. We made their precious Shiloh cry.”

“I guess if she was going to have a weird quirk, it’s at least a healthy one,” Creed said.

“And my butt thanks me every day,” I grumbled. A smile pulled at Creed’s lips. “You do have a nice ass.”

“Hold on. Are you two saying you saw Shiloh naked?” Keelan asked. The twins went quiet and my whole body flushed. Keelan frowned a little. “I think I’m jealous.”

“Last night, you pissed her off so much, she almost tried to murder you with a spatula.”

“You think I come over too much?” Knox scoffed as he began signing the paper. “What gave you that impression?” His voice dripped with sarcasm, making my heart sink.

“Why should someone have access to my home if they never intend to extend that same trust to me in return?” I interrupted him. “Is that what I need to do to fix this? Give you a fucking key?” he snapped. I fought not to roll my eyes and focused on taking a big gulp of cold, delicious water instead.

“No, you confuse me. A few days ago, you said I didn’t bother you, and today you made me feel like an annoyance who had overstayed my welcome,” I argued. “You’re not an annoyance, Shiloh.” “Then why did you say that?” “I didn’t mean—” “Bullshit,” I cursed, surprising us both. “You push people away, Knox. It’s what you do, and I understand why you do it, but what you did today…you knew how that would make me feel.”

“The four of you have an expiration date in my life,” I blurted. “You don’t know what it’s like to have a ticking clock in the back of your head, counting down until the four of you decide to kick me to the curb. Naively, I hold onto this false hope that you won’t, because I hate the idea of going a day without seeing any of you. And yes, that includes you, Knox, the guy who has been a jerk to me ninety-eight percent of the time.”

“Don’t cry,” he said tightly. I grit my teeth. “Then don’t make me cry.”

“Don’t do that. Don’t walk away,” he said, his livid eyes boring into me. “You talk about how you’re worried about us kicking you to the curb, but have you ever stopped to think that we feel you’ll do the same?

“You said I push people away? That’s because everyone is a threat to what we rebuilt. You’re a threat. You barreled your way into our lives and somehow made yourself important. I don’t want to care about you, but I do, and it pisses me off.”

“It was a mistake and won’t happen again.” “Why?” “What do you mean why?” I asked, feeling exasperated. “If we go down that road, I’ll have to pick one of them, and that will hurt the other.” He scoffed. “They’d never make you choose.”

“Have they been with the same girl before?” He took in my red face and gave me a knowing look. “That’s something you should ask them.”

“Shiloh asked if you and I share like Colt and Creed do.” Keelan’s eyes only widened before he gave me the same stupid smirk Knox had given me. “Are you looking to upgrade from Colt and Creed?”

“Just because Colt and Creed like to share doesn’t mean Keelan and I would be into it,” Knox said. “Speak for yourself,” Keelan said. Knox looked at his brother, clearly surprised.

“If we both loved the same woman and she loved both of us, would you really make her choose at the risk of tearing us apart?” Keelan asked him.

“I’m not saying it’s wrong, but that type of relationship is kind of unconventional,” I said.

People are more accepting and polyamorous relationships are more common than you think.”

“If you go for my hair, Keelan, I’ll have you face down on this floor and begging in less than five seconds.” My threat only made him grin. “Alright, baby girl. I won't pull your hair…this time.”