The Gap and The Gain: The High Achievers' Guide to Happiness, Confidence, and Success

by Dan Sullivan

You could be going through a challenging and even stressful experience, but your body can positively handle that experience because you’re framing it as a GAIN. No one’s life is without serious problems, but you still have a choice on how you see them. Take, for example, my friend Jeff, who recently got divorced. He was not expecting that divorce at all. He was 100 percent committed to his wife and loved her with his whole soul. But she decided she wanted a different lifestyle, one that went fundamentally against the belief and value system they had previously shared. Jeff spent nearly 18 months trying to change his wife’s mind, but it was set. It became clear divorce was the only answer. Jeff wanted to maintain a positive relationship with his now ex-wife. In order to do so, he had to be intentional about how he framed her specifically and how he framed their past relationship as a whole. It became clear to Jeff that his wife had gone through a great deal of emotional trauma and confusion leading up to the divorce, which led to her radical shift in beliefs and personality. Rather than being mad at her for these changes, Jeff decided to have compassion. He could see that she was dealing with serious psychological problems. He didn’t blame her for that. He didn’t blame himself either. He also wasn’t mad at himself for how things turned out. He believed he truly did everything in his power to save his marriage, and that in the end, he couldn’t control his wife’s shift in bel...