Really Good, Actually

by Monica Heisey

Even if we handle it as well as possible, I thought, it’s still going to be terrible.

The truth is, if you start your eating disorder even slightly overweight, no one will notice until things are very much at the “what if two meals a day were soup” stage.

Just a series of small fires that we let burn out around us, clutching our coffees like the dog from the internet: this is fine.

I wish I didn’t think that.

I’m working on not thinking that.

Maybe I couldn’t keep all my promises, but I would try to keep this one.

Every encounter revealed my naïveté, put me in a pillory with a sign next to it: believed fully in romantic love and the possibility of eternal commitment (in this day and age!!).