Really Good, Actually

by Monica Heisey

I’m jealous of people in more useful careers, even though useful careers seem like a lot more work.

The only activity that has ever really interested me is sitting around with my friends in flattering lighting, eating food and talking about who wanted to kiss us, and what we were wearing when they did.

Really?

This earnest “can I buy you a drink?” approach was new and disconcerting.

This is not new lol

Keeping a journal seemed like a slower, somehow more tedious way to think about the things I had already bored myself with by overthinking.

It’s still a cathartic activity sometimes

Used one of those calculators to determine how soon you can retire if you make X amount and save Y amount each month; found I could reasonably begin retirement in 238 years

Remembered everyone I love will die someday, many of them before me; that I will either know their deaths or hurt them with mine, and no matter what I do, the end is coming for all of us at a time we cannot know;

This is depressing af

My mom told me anger was not useful, that there was no sense in holding on to resentment about people who were no longer a part of my life.

I decided to watch Titanic the way I had when I was younger, stopping when the boat hits the iceberg.

I used to do this

To see the rest of the film you had to eject the tape, put it away, and insert a second one, which seemed like a lot of work just to watch all the characters you’d grown attached to drown in the freezing Atlantic, so mostly I didn’t.

I said I didn’t know why everyone was so obsessed with this, but no, I was not. I was not traumatized; mostly I was embarrassed.

Therapy isn't only for trauma

“but you don’t have to say everything you think and feel to everyone around you all the time. Even if you want to. You can keep it to yourself. Sometimes, that feels better.”

So true