As our car was loaded on the ferry, my nerves ramped up to the point where I could barely focus on the small talk between James and Jon—the two of them taking to each other like ducks to water. But once we’re back on land, I’m able to focus in, and my chest warms as I listen to James give attention to my brother the way I always wished our father would. And at some point, I know I’ll need to give up my naive view of him. I’ll have to stop remembering him as the dad who lifted me on his shoulders and told me I could help him run the world and start seeing him as the stranger who likes to keep
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