Believe Me (Shatter Me #6.5)

by Tahereh Mafi

My heart actually stops for a moment. The wedding night.

“This better be good, Kenji, or Warner is going to kill you, and I’m going to help him do it.” And then, just like that— I’m smiling again.

I’m the only one allowed to call her Ella now. It’s just for us. A tether to our shared history, a nod to our past, to the love I’ve always felt for her, no matter her name.

Juliette Ferrars, one of the most feared, most lauded heroes of our known world, is crying over a dog. Perhaps no one else would understand, but I know that this is the first time she’s ever held one. Without hesitation, without fear, without danger of causing an innocent creature any harm. For her, this is true joy. To the world, she is formidable. To me? She is the world.

I lost faith in people—in the world—long ago. But no matter how much bloodshed and darkness she experiences, Ella never seems to lose hope in humanity. She is always striving to build a better future. She is always gentle and kind with those she loves.

I want nothing more than to escape this noise with Ella. I want, above all else, for her to be safe. I want people to stop trying to kill her. I want, for the first time in my life, to live in peace, undisturbed; I want to be required by no one but my wife.

Sometimes I’m so desperate for quiet I think I might commit murder for a moment of silence.

“Your very existence is an oversight.”

“I was wrong,” he says, making a crude heart shape with his hands. “Sun and rain make a rainbow.” I come to a sudden halt. For a moment, I close my eyes. “I want to throw up now,” Kenji says, still smiling. “Really. Actual vomit. You disgust me.”

If Ella were a house, she would be a grand home, one with many rooms and doors, all of which were easily unlocked, flung open. If I were a house, I would be haunted.

“I love you,” she whispers. “I love you so much. I just want to do this right—for both of us. I want you to have a beautiful wedding. I think it matters more to you than you think.”

“It doesn’t,” I say, shaking my head. “I don’t care, love. I don’t care about any of it. I just want you. I want you to be my family.”

When I woke up this morning I’d thought this would be the happiest day of my life. Instead, as the day approaches dusk— I feel hollow.

I watched her pupils dilate as she grappled with an emotional combination too often flung in my direction: abject terror and desire.

desire is definitely right *wink wink*

I would happily watch the world go up in flames if anything happened to her, and if that’s not enough for you, you can go to hell.”

Her faint, almost undetectable note of jealousy—possessiveness—only cements my smile in place.

I’m trying, but I can’t stop laughing. “Huh,” says Winston quietly. “I didn’t even know his face could do that.” “Yeah,” Kenji says. “It’s super weird the first time you see it.” “I can’t look away. I’m trying to look away and I can’t. It’s like if a baby was born with a full set of teeth.”

“I’m going to marry you today. And then I’m going to make love to you until you can’t remember your name.”

WELL HELLO

I want nothing more than to strip her bare. I want to fall to my knees and taste her, make her lose her mind with pleasure. I want her to beg before I make her come, right here, in the middle of nowhere.

OH HE SPICYYYY

“I am nothing,” I say to her. “If I manage to be anything, it is only because of you.”

“This one’s mine.” That wipes the smile off my face. “That’s right, buddy.” Kenji is grinning now. “We’re going to be neighbors.”

“I should just kill you here, shouldn’t I? In my own house. On my wedding day. It could be your gift to me.”

“I would rather impale myself on a pike.”