Don't You Dare (Reckless Games #1)

by C.E. Ricci

He’s handling me like I’m made of glass, capable of shattering in his hands, and right now, I think it’s very possible I could. It’s the strangest feeling in the world. It makes my heart leap into my throat and does something weird to my stomach. Makes it flip and somersault, but not with nerves or anxiousness. With something else entirely.

All in all, from start to finish, none of those are anything atypical for a regular, run-of-the-mill guy. But last I checked, being the annoying, awful thing to wake a person up in the morning wasn’t on that list.

Control is his suit of armor. Reclusiveness, his shield. Both of which I’m more than happy to lend him; whatever he needs to protect himself. He’s never needed them with me, anyway.

Then again, no one really is besides Keene. Maybe a couple other people I’ve met last semester in my studio. They could be friends, if I put in a little more effort, but my inability to trust anyone sort of inhibits turning acquaintances into anything more than that.

No matter how many friends he has or how popular he gets as the years pass, I’m still his number one. Just like he’s mine. We might’ve been basically family since we were born, but we still choose each other. Always have, always will. And damn if that doesn’t make me feel like a million bucks.

That, even though he’s the only guy I’ve kissed, ever since that night, I can’t stop thinking about wanting to just grab him by the shirt and haul his mouth to mine again. That I’m not entirely sure how I feel about it, either, besides being completely scared shitless that he can somehow read my mind and know what I’m thinking whenever he looks at me.

He’s the person I can count on to get me through the hard shit. The brutal moments, like the deaths of our fathers. Or even just the smaller shit, like having no energy to go get food after a long day, so he does it for me. When school or baseball or life feels fucking impossible, he’s the one who makes it better.

That fact in itself confirms what I’ve been wondering these passing months. I’m not as straight as I thought I was. Especially when it comes to Aspen Kohl. He might be like a brother to me, but this goes way beyond that. Past friendship, and right into desire. Because I want this. I want him. I’ve never been more sure of anything. I just have no idea what it means for our friendship.

As unfair as it might be to him, it’d be even worse if I were to say one thing and then end up taking it back later. I’d rather know for certain before taking that kind of leap. With anything, really, not just him. But because it’s him…it’s almost more important to be sure.

As much as I don’t like being the catalyst to this whole sexual discovery in the first place—only for him to keep it from me for as long as he has—I want to help him with this. Any way I can. So if I was the reason it started, I’m gonna make damn sure I’m the way he figures it out too. It takes balls to put yourself on the line for another person. He’s probably the only person in the world I’d be willing to do something like this for, just like I know he’d do the same for me.

I’ve always liked making him smile before—it’s not something he does often enough as it is—but lately, it’s become a bit of a little game for me. A secret one, of course. But I try to catalog what it is I do that gets certain reactions. How to get a genuine smile, where the dimple is deepest. What I do that makes just the corner of his lips twitch up in amusement. All the little things I’ve started to pay more attention to, even if I shouldn’t.

There’s so much trouble in his eyes when they lock with mine, filled to the brim like a dam about to break. “I meant it when I said that last night, Kee. Whether it be from someone finding out about us, or something else entirely, it wouldn’t matter. There’s no way I could live with myself for being the reason for your pain.”

Her usage of the word love causes my stomach to roll uneasily. No, actually, it feels like it’s currently in the middle of the ocean during a goddamn typhoon. Rocking back and forth, no hope of escaping without taking some serious damage. Swallowing roughly, I give life to the words I didn’t even know were the truth until this very moment.

Instead of responding, he kisses me again. This time, more fiercely. Hungrily. Like he wants to devour me whole in this very spot. I’d let him. Fuck, I’d let him have whatever he wants if it meant I never had to give this moment up.

But I’ve come to realize, it’s not just his kiss that I’m hooked on. It’s everything about him. Keene. My best friend. The only person who has the power to completely ruin me.

I’ve gone and fucking done it now. Proven that, no matter how hard I try, I can’t turn off my feelings for him. There’s only one way to survive being so stupidly in love with him. We have to stop. Otherwise, I’ll destroy everything.

More equaling feelings. Emotions, no matter how much I haven’t wanted to admit it. They’re raw and real and scary ones, because they’re true, and they run deep. Twenty years deep.

Because if I look back, I’ll see all their faces. The mixture of disgust and sympathy swirling through the crowd is palpable, and I don’t have it in me to be subjected to their judgment about something they don’t understand. Something I don’t fully understand. Maybe if I did, I’d be making a different choice right now.

The only difference is he’s too blinded by fear and rage to see that this doesn’t have to be the end of the world. That I have his back, just like I know he has mine. No matter what’s thrown at us. Only, that’s the way it used to be. And when two words leave his lips—the last ones I was expecting to hear—I realize that was then. Before.

Because, despite what I told Keene outside the stadium that day, I don’t regret him or the time we had together. I don’t regret helping him or loving him or anything that transpired between us. I just hate that I couldn’t protect him the way I always have in the past.

“You don’t have to, sweetie. The way I see it, you fell for your best friend. Someone who you’ve known and trusted for most of your life. And while I think that’s something worth fighting for, you’re the one who has to do some soul searching and decide for yourself.”

No matter when or where, we had each other, and that was all we’d ever need. But when it was time to prove it? To put up or shut up? To stand together as a team, us against the world? I blew it.

No matter how much he wants me to, no matter how many times he begs for it. I know I can’t let him go. Not now, when I know what it’s like to live without the other half of me. But I just might have to learn how. Indefinitely.

“I dare you to let me love you the way you deserve to be loved. Wholly. Completely. And out in the open, where the world can see.” My throat constricts around the words, but I continue to push them out anyway. “I love you. I’m so stupidly in love with you. And I dare you to love me too.”

“Yet the moment it captured was the same moment I fell in love with you. Or, at least where I realized the love I’ve always felt for you shifted into something more. Something I never knew I wanted. Something I was stupid to give up in the first place.”

If I could craft the perfect person for me out of thin air, it’d be him. There’s no doubt in my mind about that anymore. Just like I know that choosing this—him—is what I should’ve done all along.

Because he’s always loved me, flaws and all. Long before we ever could’ve imagined this turning into anything more than friendship.

But I don’t want it to be a secret anymore. I want the entire world to know I’m his the same way he’s mine. That he’s always been mine, even when I was too stupid or stubborn or blind to see it. It’s always been us. Ever since the beginning.

It was never meant to be more than a dare. A kiss between two best friends, and nothing more. Yet that stupid little dare ended up giving me the kind of love I could only dream about, and a life together that we never imagined. And what Pen and I have now? I’ve realized it’s only just the beginning.