Steamroller

by Mary Calmes

“You get off on this,” he accused me. “Man, I so don’t give a crap about you,” I assured him snidely. “If I had time, if you had showed up earlier, we would have run it. This is so not personal.” “Well, it is now.” I rolled my eyes, because who talked like that? Well, it is now. Why did there have to be drama when there was such a simple solution? I hated people who bitched just to hear the sound of their own voices. Go do something about it; don’t stand around and whine. Christ.

As a rule I had no use for football players. They were big dumb jocks who, if I was lucky, ignored me, and if I wasn’t, knocked me around.

And it hit me right then that I was leaving because my mother and stepfather had thrown me out for being gay. Surreal.

He opened the can of Budweiser and took a sip. “No show tunes, okay?” “Yessir.” “Except for Hamilton. That one’s kind of butch.”

“That means the biology TA that my best friend’s girlfriend was fucking behind his back is the guy I like?” Kurt dissolved into laughter behind me, having to clutch the counter so he didn’t sink to the floor.

“Well, we’re gonna date, right?” “Date?” “Aren’t we?” “You wanna date me?” My voice sounded high and squeaky. “Uhm, yeah.” He chuckled, stepping closer, tipping my head back. “I’m not gonna just let you kiss other guys… sleep with other guys…. I like you, why would I do that?” “You met me last night.” “But I’ve wanted to talk to you for over a year.” “Which is slightly psychotic, right?” “Yeah, but only slightly.” He sighed, bending to kiss me.

“That was exactly how I knew it would be, and that’s exactly how I need it to stay. I get it, I’m bi. I can feel every part of my body right now, every centimeter of skin, all of it, and I can’t remember the last time that happened. Ever since I saw you yesterday, I feel like I woke up, and I won’t go back to sleep, Vince. I can’t.”

I saw no change in him. There was no decrease in the desire I felt for the man. He was not diminished in any way in my eyes. If he never threw another football, I hardly cared. I wanted his arm to work again but simply for him, for no other reason.

“Just lie there and try and look hurt while I listen to the doctor.” “Okay. Just for a minute, and then you kiss me.” “Agreed. Now shut up.”

it was Mrs. Cress, like a lioness protecting her cub, who had my heart. I was in her corner a hundred percent.

“Carson—” “I needed you.” “You don’t even know me.” “I know enough. Gonna keep you.”

“And yeah, it’ll be enough, idiot. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” “How?” “Because I finally made you stop and look at me.”

“Yes, please, Vince,” she teased me, and I saw where he got his mischievous smile from. “For heaven’s sake, let’s not make Carson laugh. That would be terrible.”

“Love, most people get married because they want to, not because they have to. I suspect Vince is not interested in getting married merely to satisfy his need of a guarantee.” “Yeah, but I want to marry him.” “Oh,” she whimpered, hand over her heart. “I want him to be mine for, like… ever.”

“So we’ll get married,” Carson declared, his smile bright. I couldn’t breathe. “I’ll get you a ring. A really nice one. They have them for guys at Tiffany’s now, did you know that?” I didn’t know that, but more importantly, I was going to pass out. I just knew it. “Whatever you want that will make you say okay.” “Carson, you—” He grinned up at me. “Yeah, I love you.”

“You’re gonna engineer that plant, right? The one that’s gonna make it so no one ever goes hungry again.” I nodded. “See, I was listening.” He arched an eyebrow. “So somebody will have to build the biodome for you; someone will have to build the aqueducts and the facilities where you’re gonna work. Somebody will have to be there to hold your hand when you get the Nobel Peace Prize and will have to pass you the books when you have your signings. I’ll be the most important guy on your team, and I’ll hold you down in bed whenever I get the chance.”

“You need a partner in your dream, and that’s me. I’ll do the for richer or poorer thing with you, since you’re doing the in sickness thing with me right now.”

“Like I said, I don’t have any life goals beyond being on team plant.”

“In answer to your ‘that’s awfully confident’ statement… yes, I am. I’m sure you’re going to pick me, because as it turns out, I’m perfect for you. You’ve got that hard shell, and you’re all high-strung and prickly and a little mean, and I can even you out.”

“The headlines are gonna be insane,” I assured Carson after a minute. “Oh yeah?” He took a breath. “What’ll they say?” “That your boyfriend is going home with you to Maine.”

“I’m gonna drive you nuts.” “Too late, you already do.” He waved me close. “Come give me a kiss.” “The nurse is on her way.” “Yeah, so hurry up and put your tongue down my throat.” I moved as fast as I could.