Radical Friendship: Seven Ways to Love Yourself and Find Your People in an Unjust World

by Kate Johnson

I had been harmed, had witnessed harm, and had probably harmed others countless times in these well-meaning spaces.

we had unintentionally created spiritual gated communities that were more about staying comfortable than becoming free.

While most of the mindfulness courses popular today emphasize silent sitting meditation practices, meditation instructions actually make up a very small percentage of the Buddha’s teachings.

One monk I spoke with estimated that at least 90 percent of the texts in the Pali Canon, where the early teachings are found, are stories about being in relationship, stories that teach us how to be with each other in the most enlightened way possible.

Oppression is fundamentally fragmenting. It stresses our capacity to connect with one another. And it keeps us so busy fighting to survive that we lack the time and the emotional bandwidth to sustain the friendships we already have or to reach out and form new ones.

Meditation is making friends with yourself.

My teacher advised me to be really aware of when the mind state I now called Jabba was present and to reflect on whether it had some purpose it was trying to serve.

Being hard on myself had worked so beautifully in so many other areas of my life; I’d managed to exceed society’s expectations, to be regarded in schools and workplaces as impressive, exceptional.

Katie Loncke, co-director of the Buddhist Peace Fellowship, once called overworking “the smoking of our generation.”

Aware of suffering and injustice, I [name], am working to create a more just, peaceful, and sustainable world. I promise, for the benefit of all, to practice self-care, mindfulness, healing, and joy. I vow to not burn out.

I suppose I should mention here that Buddhist vows are notoriously impossible to fulfill.

It’s a promise to try something they may never achieve, and a promise to never to stop trying.

Even if we never get it right, there is value in vowing to try. Trying, falling short, and trying again are all part of the journey.

The first time the Buddha described metta, he taught it as an antidote to fear.

It’s love with a hook, and while it’s certainly not the same as wishing someone harm, our mixed intentions are not as free as they could be.

When we notice a feeling of “push” when we give love to someone, we can only do our best to internally take a step back and offer our wish again, this time without strings attached.