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Would it bring Noah any comfort knowing he had, in fact, kept Adam up all night?
Adam could have killed him at any time. In the moment, that thought was as exhilarating as heroin. Sometimes, he wished he had killed him. Death seemed peaceful where Noah’s life was chaos. Death seemed preferable to loneliness. And Noah couldn’t remember the last time he wasn’t lonely. Had he ever felt like somebody cared?
“We were raised to level the playing field. To right the wrongs of the justice system. There are a lot of bad people in this world and the law rarely makes the right call. We do our homework. We save lives. We keep people safe.”
“Don’t you live in a mansion on the other side of town?” Adam shook his head with a smile. “No, my dad does. I live in a studio apartment on the other side of town.” “And why can’t you go sleep there?” Adam shrugged. “Because you’re not there and I want to be with you.”
Adam woke with his arms around Noah, his body tucked snuggly against him. He was small compared to Adam’s six foot two, but he fit perfectly, allowing Adam to all but envelop him when they spooned. He liked the idea of people having to go through him to get to Noah. It was a foreign concept. He didn’t know how to describe it. From the moment he’d seen him standing there, holding that gun on him, Adam had just known he wasn’t going to let him go. Ever.
Adam snagged Noah’s hand. “You have freckles on your fingers, too,” he mused. “You’re obsessed with freckles,” Noah teased. Adam flicked pale blue eyes upwards, snagging Noah’s gaze. “No. Just yours.”
If he didn’t stop saying things like that, Noah was going to do something stupid like fall in love with a murderer.
“Why would you want to be in a relationship if you can’t love somebody?” Once more, Adam pondered the question. “What does that word even mean? Lots of people throw the word love around without actually treating the people they supposedly love like they are loved. I don’t have the same signals firing in my brain that you do. I have to rely on instinct. My instincts tell me you’re the one.
“Then, by your own logic, you should do the opposite. And stay. With me.” “This is crazy.” “All the best things are.”
“Who pissed you off this time? Archer? Atticus? It couldn’t have been August. Avi and Asa aren’t even in town. Aiden doesn’t talk enough to piss you off. So, who was it?”
“I know you’re mine. I know it. Deep down, in that part of my brain that doesn’t care what is right or how society dictates how people choose a mate. I chose you. I want you. Just you. My brain has picked you, and now, I can’t undo it. You’re trapped. With me. For life.”
“The thing about being raised in a house full of psychopaths? We’re pretty accepting of other people’s crazy. I think I’ll be alright.”
“What are my pieces?” Noah asked. Adam looked at him for a long moment. “You’re soft.” When Noah bristled, Adam cupped his face. “Not in a bad way. You’re like candy. Sweet. Soft on the inside with a hard shell around you.”
Noah snorted, but he seemed hurt, like he thought maybe Adam didn’t really see him at all.
“The boy I met in that warehouse, the one with the stars on his cheeks, that’s the real you. The you who might have stayed soft and gentle if you’d had different parents. But circumstance has made you build a wall around yourself, made you push back against anybody who even slightly wronged you so that they didn’t see how vulnerable you were. You want affection, but you fear it. You want love but are afraid it will be taken from you if you let anybody get too close. You’ve numbed yourself to ...
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Adam pulled Noah close until they were almost nose to nose. “I like all your pieces. I like you soft and I like you tough. You see all my pieces, too, you know? You see things about me even my family doesn’t. Letting somebody see you isn’t a bad thing if you can trust them.” Noah swallowed hard. “And you trust me?” “Yes. Do you trust me?” Noah nodded. “Yes,” he said, voice thick.
“He adopted all of you to turn you into weapons?” Noah asked, sounding more curious than concerned. “‘Look like the flower but be the serpent underneath,’” Adam quoted. When Noah frowned, Adam clarified. “Shakespeare. Macbeth, specifically. In order to right the wrongs of the justice system, we have to look innocent to the world as a whole.”
don’t know what love feels like. I don’t know what empathy or guilt feel like. But I know this: I want to fuck you and fight with you and fight for you and make up with you and make out with you and eat Greek food naked with you. Is that enough?” Noah blinked rapidly before looking away. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s enough.”
Yesterday had been one of the worst days of his life but Adam had chased his demons away.
“I did sign up for you. I chose you. Mental breakdown and all. Eventually, you’re going to see that I have my own kind of breakdowns…and mine sometimes end with a body count.”
I like the way your face is put together. Your brown eyes, your freckles, your lips. It makes me happy to look at you.”
His brothers were already gathered. Asa and Avi perched on the large table, and Archer, August, and Atticus sat in the chairs.
“I think you underestimate you. You impressed a room full of killers. Hell, you impressed my dad. Do you know how hard that is? He likes you. Like, really likes you. The twins think you’re great and they don’t like anybody. I know that we’re not the family anybody would want, but we’re your family if you want us.
