Brainwashed (Alabaster Penitentiary, #3)

by Nyla K.

They don’t really love you, Felix. They’re pretending. They want to hurt you. They all do.

Without my personal hobby—my main method of procuring human contact—I’m just me. Felix Darcey. Being Felix Darcey makes me itchy. I’d rather be The Carver.

I bite the inside of my cheek to hold back a smirk. “Never have been before, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.”

Trevel had called to say he’d be five minutes late.

TREVELLL

“I’m feeling great, actually,” he replies, eloquent diction spoken in a British accent.

HES BRITISHSHHSHHSHS

He was sexually abused as a child, by both of his biological parents. His childhood trauma is extremely disturbing. It definitely helped me grow my bearings as a researcher only a few years out of John’s Hopkins, because damn… Just reading about his past has the potential to stir up a lot of unpleasant emotions. When he was eleven, Trevel ran away from his home in the UK and became a transient, eventually making his way to the States, where he began a five-year career as an underage sex worker. When he was sixteen, in New York, Trevel was raped by a group of men. Once he recovered from the injuries sustained during the attack, he tracked down all four men and killed them, brutally. One by one.

oh my poor baby

He quite literally sucks at life. So I’m going to take it from him, since he doesn’t deserve it anyway.

And I haven’t eaten anything more than my own fingernails in almost five business days. I know, it’s gross. Let’s move past it, please.

PLEASE LMAO ILH

He’s very odd to look at, especially with that bizarre grin on his face. It’s

really giving me the creeps… And I’m a fucking murderer, so that’s saying a lot.

He opens the box and sure enough, there’s a cheeseburger and French fries inside. I think I just came in my pants.

PLS LMAOA

I chew for a long time, just savoring the flavors, barely even able to distinguish them. It’s just incredible. I don’t even notice until my third bite that I’m humming while chewing and my fingers are wiggling. I think my toes are, too.

he's so cute 😭

“You guys wouldn’t happen to have a can of Dr. Pepper lying around, would you?” I ask gleefully

“Oh my fucking God, this is perfect,” I practically squeal. “Hey. Fry me, Figs.”

He’s never been a fan of my dreads.

DREADS???

The world is instantly a bit blurry, which stresses me out. Not having my glasses always puts me on edge. I need to them to see. In fact, I’ve needed glasses since I was six. And I can’t do contacts. Touching eyes gives me the willies.

He looks right at me, locking eyes with mine, and even in this poor lighting I can see the mixture of green and brown in his irises… A hazel that steals my breath because of how much it reminds me of my first love… Cameron.

Felix Darcey is exactly that. A dangerous animal behind bars. And I can’t help wanting to step inside his cage.

He told me last time that he’s afraid to leave it in his cell, lest it go missing. And I would never admit it to anyone, but the satisfaction I felt from knowing he so greatly values my work was unlike anything I’ve felt before.

I remember the first time I saw a picture of him in the papers. I don’t smile a lot… Okay, it actually never happens. I just haven’t found many things to smile or laugh at, because life isn’t funny. But I swear to God, when I saw the picture of the twenty-year-old who was responsible for all of those gruesome murders, I couldn’t help the grin that stretched uncontrollably on my lips, accompanied by a tiny chuckle.

“Felix, you’re a serial murderer,” he says matter-of-factly. “I’m not sure which human, let alone correctional officer, would willingly go near you for any sort of sexual favor.”

I can’t help the offended gasp that flees my lips, though I do have to chuckle. Once more, he looks simply illuminated. Does he really like making me laugh? Even when it’s by making fun of me? “What are you trying to say?” I rumble through my grin. He leans in. “I’m saying that someone would have to be exceptionally stupid to let you anywhere near their dick.”

“Just tell me what you want, Felix. I don’t have all day.”

“Why? Like I said, I could just get on my knees—” “Because I’m offering,” he cuts me off with a growl. I think he’s becoming frustrated with me, and I don’t know why, but it’s electrifying. I guess I like pissing him off as much as he likes doing it to me. “You’re not getting on your knees, Felix.” My eyes widen. “I’m not…?” “No.” He squints. “Absolutely not. Now answer the question so I can get you out of my office.” The dominance in his tone flips some kind of switch in me. And my head bobs.

Those are the two halves of Felix Darcey. The insecure part with severe daddy issues, craving love and affection without the slightest clue how to get it. And then The Carver. Controlling and possessive, desperate to give Felix what he wants.

If I’m giving it up by choice, I guess that would be one thing, but having a bunch of assholes disrupt my evening and treat me like an object…”

my poor baby

“I know it’s hypocritical. I’m not a fool. I know this is what I deserve.

NO YOU DONT OMG

Yet Dr. Love gave them to me anyway, without more than a moment’s thought. Maybe it’s just for the test, or his own personal experiment, but in my mind, it also means he cares about me.

our delulu king

“Which means I’m nothing like you.”

“One thing you should know about me, Kieran,” I wail, eyes staying with his while they bulge in shock, fear, and pain. “I love being right.” I lift the knife, then flick my wrist, slicing his throat wide open, deep, from ear to ear.

Dr. Love’s jaw visibly tenses as he moves in so close to me, we’re almost zipped together. He places his palm flat on my chest, covering my heart, our eyes stuck together all the while.

“Yes, sir,” I mutter. When I peek up at him, there’s a dark expression in his eyes. “You’re a bit of a freak, you know that, Doc?” He narrows his gaze. “A little too obsessed with serial killers… I think that makes you strange. Like me.” He leans in closer to my face. “That’s a stretch… Carver.” I smirk. Then wink at him. He rolls his eyes. “Let’s go.”

He picks them up, wasting no time ripping the packet open and stuffing them into his mouth. A small smile tugs at his lips while he munches away, joyfully, practically bouncing in place as he does. You’d have no idea he stabbed the life out of someone not ninety minutes ago.

I’m just in awe of this man. He is the most captivating killer ever, hands down.

It’s obvious that he enjoys killing the child predators so much because of his eternal love for this Cam person. And his other victims, the ones he thinks he loved, are like his way of chasing the boy he could never have. The first boy who left him.

clocked his tea

Personally, I think—based on what he’s told me so far about Cameron—that Felix needs someone more grounded. More stable. If we’re talking about a man whose influence would be good for him, relationship wise, I believe he needs someone to balance out his infinitely uneven personality. To give him the affection he so craves, but also put him in his place when he’s acting like a brat. He might be continuously searching for carbon copies of Cam, but then he’s also subconsciously choosing the wrong men on purpose. But hey… it’s none of my business. I’m just here to learn.

oh....right...none of ur business...

Felix’s lips quirk. “Toward the end, I’d become a bit… theatrical with my kills.”

okay rosalie

But for some reason right now, I just feel like he needs it. And I’m not sure why I care…

And as I’m leaving, I hear a raspy voice murmur, “Goodnight, Want.”

MY BABY.