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“Oh! I didn’t mean to cause offense. It’s just sort of snout-like is all. He probably has an excellent sense of smell. I wonder whether he couldn’t track down truffles with a nose like that.”
Bitch basically called him a pig Lmfao
The King, perhaps fifteen years her senior, was round-bodied and rosy-cheeked and had a tendency to giggle at the most inopportune times.
What the fuck-
“You look lovely, Lady Pinkerton,” said the King. He was speaking more to her bosom than her face—a result of his unfortunate height, not any sort of ungentlemanliness, and yet Catherine could not keep her cheeks from flushing.
Even more what the fuck.
He giggled, mad as hops as he adjusted his crown, then took off waltzing toward the feasting table.
Ew.... This guy giggling is just- wrong-
Certainly not a bride, and … oh heavens, children.
Ughhh.... Ik the king is nice and funny and all, but if they gonna fuck.... THE DICKS EITHER GONNA BE TINY ASF OR THICCCCCCCCCCCC AND BOTH IS GROSS
“I wish to make an announcement. A good announcement, nothing to be worried about.” He giggled at what might have been a joke. “It has come time for me to choose for myself a wife, and for my subjects … a most adored Queen of Hearts! And”—the King kept giggling—“with any luck, bring our kingdom an heir, as well.”
Oh eughhhhh my spine feels slimy asf now-
Cath thought of the King—squat and impish and flighty as a butterfly. She tried to imagine being wed to him. Stooping down to kiss him, her mouth tickled by his curled mustache. Listening to his giggles as they bounced through the castle corridors.
What the fuck-
To her disappointment, neither was Jest.
Nooooo Jesttttt!!!
Above them, the Raven cawed, and Jest glanced up, still strumming. The Raven soared down and settled on his shoulder.
JEST!!!
A new voice intruded into their circle, deep and witty and tumbling with laughter. “I certainly hope,” said the Joker, “that this won’t be the standard of romance by which all men in the Kingdom of Hearts shall be held to.”
JESTTT OMG MY BABEHHHHHH
A fountain sat in its center and the King was walking around its edge like a tightrope walker, his arms outstretched for balance.
Ewwwwww someone push that thing into the water-
The King squealed with delight and hopped off the fountain.
Eww GUYS DONT SQUEAL WTF
His dimples stretched down either side of his face.
HE HAS DIMPLES OMG IM IN LOVE WTF AHHHHH
Before she could stammer out some response, he removed his hat and swooped it toward the retreating King. “After you, my lady.”
What a gentleman *sighhhhhh*
Flamingos were such stupid creatures.
*cough* kyle *cough*
“It’s not who wins or loses!” Margaret shrieked. “It’s how one stays the same!” “Well said, Lady Mearle!” cheered the Duke, standing alone to the side of the crowd. “No one asked you!” she yelled back.
Ouch.
Cath resisted the urge to pat him on the head and offer him a biscuit for a job well done.
Cough. AHahhaahah
“If you fail me,” she whispered to the flamingo, “I will wrap your neck around a tree trunk and tie it in a pretty pink bow and leave you there until one of the gardeners finds you.”
I love the agression!
Then he started to speak, fast, like he was issuing an important declaration that had been rehearsed a hundred times. “… of asking for the honor of entering into a courtship with Lady Catherine Pinkerton.” Then he burped.
Eugh...... Someone drag this fat old man away from me-
“I see. Well—good evening, fair Raven, my forgiveness I bestow, for this uncanny meeting outside of my window.”
I could never rhyme on the spot
In his black motley, he was nearly impossible to see in the shadows, perched in the crook of a tree branch. He looked mysterious and elegant, his gold eyes glinting in the light of her bedroom’s fire.
JESTTTTT
He smiled, a little mischievously. “Would you like to?”
AHHH OMG SO HOT AHHH
She nodded once and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, burying her face into his chest. She clutched him as one might a buoy in the sea.
AHHH
He chuckled. “My hat isn’t the only magical thing about me.”
BUT MAYBE UR "MAGIC STICK" IS
Make room for our joker and his lady.
HIS lady- AHHHH
Tapping his fist against his chest, Jest cleared his throat. Then, to Catherine’s surprise, he began to sing. “Twinkle, twinkle … little bat.”
Thats so hot-
He tapped the spoon on the cup’s rim and set it on the saucer. “When pleased, I beat like a drum. When sad, I break like glass. Once stolen, I can never be taken back. What am I?” She thought for a long moment before venturing, “A heart?”
I guessed it tooo
One of his fingertips traced the back of Cath’s hand.
Hwij-·~}·_-*·_|#\™*€¬%_|*€hakqnj,__%_™_™€_2+@&-2+@,-jJssnjsjekznswjnsn?!!!
Jest took off his three-pointed hat and set it on her head. “Hold that, if you would.”
AHHH A GUY PUTTING THEIR HAT ON U IS THE HOTTEST THING EVER OMG
She propped herself against a rose-covered bedpost, her legs still shaky. “We can’t,” she said, before amending, “I can’t.” His dimples faded. She tried again. “Tonight was…” Magnificent. Marvelous. Magical. But also horrible and dangerous. “Tonight can’t happen again.”
NOOOOOO
She received fine silk gloves and music boxes and even a curled lock of prickly white hair tied with a red velvet ribbon. That particularly appalling gift had even come with a poem: Roses are red, violets are blue, I would even trim my mustache for you!
Wtf.
(Not that there are any other kings around. Especially kings that call you their Sweetling. At least, I hope not!) (Tee-hee-hee!) P.S. Can I have some more tarts?
*cringes*
Dear Lady Pinkerton, Let us fault His Majesty not for his good intentions, but only for his inability to put such longing into words. For certain your charm would turn even the most articulate of men into bumbling fools. I will beg you to think kindly on our wretched attempts to flatter one whose praises could only be spelled out in the poetry of ocean waves and the song of distant thunder . Yours, A most humble Joker P.S. Can I have some more macarons?
MUCH better- (even if hes js thibking of his stomach)
“I’m only saying that you might be the King’s wife, but who is to say you couldn’t also have more clandestine relations with the Joker?”
Thats a horrible decision
King of Hearts bobbling across the sandy dance floor.
*cringes*
She knew, in that moment, that she would go to him, if only he asked. She would be his, if he wanted her.
She was falling in love with him.
So am i... *sighhhhhhhhh*
“I can’t stop thinking about you, either, Lady Pinkerton.”
KakJ-jaj'··*™__™*+*·}%_>¬>%_b;Ajhsjajsiwjshs
“I can’t stop thinking about you, Lady Catherine Pinkerton of Rock Turtle Cove. I’ve been trying, but it’s useless. You’ve had me mesmerized from the first moment I saw you in that red dress, and I don’t know what to do about it, other than to use every skill at my disposal to try and mesmerize you back.”
*faints*
“Perhaps I will enter the next pumpkin-eating contest and be knighted by the King.”
Omg eating pumpkin pie to try and win her hand in marriage- so cool omg
“Children.” His face had gone ruby red, but his eyes were dreamy when he glanced at Catherine through his lashes. “I want a full suit of ten someday.”
Ewwwwwwwwwww...... His fat greasy dick ewwww
His eyes filled with quiet despair.
NOOOOooooOOooooOOooo
“No, that much is clear.” Jest scratched beneath the brim of his hat. “I’m sorry if I’ve been cold to you tonight. Even knowing you don’t fancy him like that, seeing you with him makes me uncannily jealous.”
*faints then wakes up then faints after reading it again*
“Off with its head,” she whispered to herself,
First time she uttered it
A ghost smile fluttered over his mouth—but just one side, barely revealing his dimples.
*wakes up and faints*
“I am a Rook,” Jest said. “I can travel faster than any carriage, so long as the path is straight.”
What the fuck...?
His expression twisted. With agony. With hope. “I cannot tell you how much I want that to be true.” She frowned. “Why? Because you want to fail?” “Because I don’t want to hurt you.” He opened his hands, palms held toward her, pleading. “Don’t you understand? My role has been compromised since that first night in the gardens. I don’t want you to marry the King. And even if I could still somehow claim your heart, even after telling you how cruel and unfair I’ve treated you, I wouldn’t be able to give it to the White Queen. Catherine, I don’t want your heart to belong to anyone but me.”
*sob*
She licked her lips, a reflex, the result of a hundred daydreams. A hundred daydreams about him. The glen was quiet but for the drum of her heart. Cath could imagine it. Everything about it. His lips, his arms. His body pressing her back onto the soft grass, the golden light of a timeless day cascading over them. She curled her fingers over his. “Kiss me, then.” She offered no resistance when he pulled her to her knees, trapping their interlaced fingers between their bodies. His nose brushed against hers. “My heart is yours,” he whispered, sending a chill down her spine. The corners of her
...more
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOO FUCK OFF- HES MINE WTF
She wrapped her fingers around it and looked up again. She swallowed hard, bracing herself. “I’m going to accept the King’s proposal.”
What the faaaaa
“You promised,” he growled. “You promised that you wouldn’t.”
The "growl"
