Shadow & Claw (The Book of the New Sun, #1-2)

by Gene Wolfe

I had been a man (if I was truly a man) such a short time; I could not endure to think that I had become a man so different from the boy I had been.

By slow degrees, however, a feeling of disquiet seized me. I was miserable before I knew I was no longer happy, and bowed with responsibility when I did not yet fully understand I held it.

“I am deserving of no gifts.” “That is so. But you must recall, Severian, that when a gift is deserved, it is not a gift but a payment. The only true gifts are such as you now receive. I cannot forgive you for what you have done, but I cannot forget what you were.

That we are capable only of being what we are remains our unforgivable sin.