Mother Hunger: How Adult Daughters Can Understand and Heal from Lost Nurturance, Protection, and Guidance

by Kelly McDaniel

Mothers who use their daughters for friendship not only misuse their power—they avoid growing up. They take a shortcut to adulthood. Rather than face their own insecurities and risk bonding with adult women (who might judge or reject them), these mothers bask in the easy proximity, vulnerability, and admiration of their daughters. Movies and literature often romanticize the idea of mother and daughter as best friends. To tell a story, Hollywood gives children adult-like personality traits. Terms like mini me or bestie in reference to a daughter hide the important role of a maternal guide. But the idea that mom and daughter could be best friends ignores the power imbalance between them. A daughter loves her mother but needs her differently than a friend. She needs her mother’s nurturance, protection, and guidance—a job description way beyond friendship.