“Children are programmed to be fundamentally loyal to their caretakers, even if they are abused by them. Terror increases the need for attachment, even if the source of comfort is also the source of terror.”31 In this way, betrayal becomes wired with love. This is not a conscious experience. We don’t have control over early adaptations to fear. We need our mother even when she yells at us, pulls our hair, or tells us we’re fat. Appeasing an abusive mother sets up a lifetime of relational confusion. And we may find ourselves in one destructive relationship after another.
