When separation happens too often and too long, the infant’s body understands that things are really bad, and the freeze response, designed to buffer pain and fear, takes over. The freeze response is a step down the brain stem from protest efforts like crying or screaming. When this lower system is engaged, the baby gets quiet and sleepy. Breathing slows down. Her body may sag, and she may appear visibly resigned. A freeze response might look like a “good” baby, but it is really a baby learning to give up. She is learning that her needs won’t be met, that human connection can’t be trusted.
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