Something Fabulous (Something Fabulous, #1)

by Alexis Hall

“You are impinging on my person.” “Then move your person’s arse, and I won’t be impinging on it.”

“Well, I say gentlemen,” Tarleton went on, “but I more mean men in general. I had a rather delightful assignation with a gorgeous young redcoat once. And he wasn’t gentle at all.”

“Love is not supposed to be convenient, my flower. It is supposed to be transcendent.”

“Excuse me, I’m delicious.”

“Flower, what happens to my arse has nothing to do with you.

“I feel,” he told them, with all the wounded dignity of a man tied to a chair and then called names, “the magnitude of my arsehole has been somewhat exaggerated.”

“The problem with me is, once I’ve seen an arsehole, I can’t unsee it.” “I can see it,” offered Miss Evans. “From a purely aesthetic point of view.”

“I am a very dedicated coquette. Are there lumberjacks in America? I feel I would be very appreciated by lumberjacks.”

don’t you mean . . . a bit upset?” “Traumatised,” said Valentine firmly.

“I think”—now Bonny seemed to be checking an imaginary diary—“I have a window available in my very busy schedule for a kissing forum.”

“your beauty has little to do with the shape of you. It is about the whole of you.” Now Bonny was definitely laughing. “You said whole.”

You’re . . . you’re waxing poetic about my arsehole.”

It is now the nineteenth century, and we respect women and treat them as equals in areas not pertaining to politics, property, warfare, finances, or the law.”

Have you not recently beheld yourself?” “I am magnificent,” Bonny agreed.

He Who Shall Not Be Joining Us Even Verbally in the Bedroom

spoiled with caretaking, dazzled by loveliness, humbled by intimacy.

Oh God. Has Sir Horley decorated his room in shades of arsehole?”

“At this moment in time, I would like your attention, flower, to be focused strictly on my arsehole, rather than arseholes in general or the soft furnishings.”

“Excuse me, my cock is prodigious.”