Sis, Don't Settle: How to Stay Smart in Matters of the Heart

by Faith Jenkins

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

I found myself questioned by my friends, family, and men: why are you still single?

Singleness is a full and whole experience, not a rest stop.

I had to thicken my skin and get comfortable ignoring the trolls. It really isn’t anyone else’s business for you to explain your personal life journey, but I know the questioning probably comes for you too.

I’m actually in a relationship—with my freedom.

If you’re not careful about uploading all of those negative insinuations about being single, you may begin to feel like somehow your singledom means that something must be wrong.

Aren’t all people single before they get into a relationship?

Therefore, it’s ridiculous to feel like you should feel bad or ashamed about being single, because your life path is different from what others expect.

Go where you want to go. Be who you are called to be.

When you’re single, you’re in a special mindset where your priority is you and becoming a better you. Don’t ever let anyone rush you through this—you have skills to hone and life tests to pass. (And fun to have, of course!)

still absolutely loved my life. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t always believe that women can be happy outside of a relationship, especially those over a certain age.

Time is going to pass anyway; your life is on a clock and it doesn’t stop even for you.

We only have but so much time on this Earth to enjoy ourselves—why not love life for every moment that you can.

Marriage is not the magic equation for achieving fulfillment in your life.

If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy with someone else either.

There is no reason to feel like these women are lacking, just because they haven’t married.

“Being alone does not make a person lonely, but the perception of being alone is what makes one lonely.”

It’s not a way to solve your loneliness. There’s no man who can fix you and, in fact, the wrong man can hurt you deeply.

When you are confident in your life wherever you are on your life path—single or not—it speaks to your wholeness as an individual. There is no need to strive for completion from an outside source when you have what you need from within. Wanting companionship is a valid and beautiful life goal. But understand that companionship should only add value to your already high-value life.

“Love yourself first and everything falls into line.”

I wanted to know myself more and what I liked and what I didn’t—to understand my feelings about certain topics.

My journey to authentic love didn’t start with finding the right person; it started with loving the person at the center of it all—me—and becoming my best version of myself.

To prepare for the relationship you want, you must be as intentional about becoming the right person as you are about attracting the right person.

How we speak to people, how we manage conflict, how we apologize, how we show compassion, how we sit in humility, and how we leave clothes on the floor, or dishes in the sink, or the toilet seat up will be the same whether it’s in our own company or the company of someone else. This is why it is so important to become the right person to attract the right person.

No to not being made a priority. No to being ignored or not called back. No to not being cherished. No to insecurity. No to dimming my light so he doesn’t feel threatened. No to disrespect. No to dishonesty. No to less than the best. No to counterfeit love.

If you’re waiting to be prettier, thinner, richer, smarter to feel better about yourself and think that’s when you’ll attract a high-value partner, you’re missing out on precious time and love in the now.

You don’t have to be perfect to be loved—you have to be you. A high-value woman knows this.

What we believe about ourselves affect us in two ways: first, it dictates our own actions, and second, it creates an expectation in our own minds of how we believe we deserve to be treated.

The truth is, we’ve all been hurt, and we’ve all dealt with things that have made us question ourselves and whether we deserve the love we desire.

the more you practice it, the better you are at it over time. And then you eventually master it:

love you. Wow. There is no one else on the planet like you.”

Life is a boomerang—the more energy you give to something, the more of it you will receive in return.

so many people have been conditioned to think that happiness comes from a plus-one instead of from within. But the sooner you realize that there is no mysterious soulmate out there who is going to complete you and make you happy, the sooner you will start to enjoy all the happiness in your life now.

Just ike myom told me

Remember: there is only one person you are guaranteed to be with the rest of your life—that person is you.

Love is not conditional based on whether things go your way.