Husband Material (London Calling, #2)

by Alexis Hall

"WHAT," I ASKED ALEX TWADDLE, “do you call a deer with no eyes?” Alex blinked. “I don’t know,” he said gamely. “What do you call a deer with no eyes?” “No-eye deer.” “Oh.” Alex blinked again. “That’s disappointing. I thought it was a joke.” He opened Bing. “Shall we Google it?” Fuck me. “No, Alex. It’s a joke. The joke is ‘no-eye deer.’ Because it’s a deer with no eyes.” “Yes, I know it’s a deer with no eyes, and I know you’ve no idea what it’s called, but you’ve got me wondering now.” “Alex, it’s called a no—” “I say,” cried Alex, with fatal enthusiasm, “Rhys? You wouldn’t know what the technical term for a deer with no eyes is, would you?” Rhys influencer-walked into the office, with his phone at the optimum streaming angle. “Not sure that’s really the kind of thing there’s a technical term for, Luc.” “I don’t want to know what the technical term is,” I yelled. “I just said, ‘What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.’” He considered this for a moment. And then of all the many ends of the many sticks in front of him he grabbed tightly to the wrong one. “So it’s a specific deer, then? Are you adopting a deer?” “No, Rhys. I’m not adopting a deer. Where would I keep a deer?” “This is tragic.” Alex actually had a slightly teary look. “The poor little deer. With no eyes. Was it pollution? If you can’t keep it at your house, Luc, I’m sure we’ve got room on the estate, though the other deer might bully it.” Just when I thought this had got as out of control as it could poss...