All I've Wanted All I've Needed

by A.E. Valdez

“I love you, I do, but I can’t say yes to your proposal knowing that I feel like something is missing from our relationship. I feel like we’re together because it’s what’s expected of us, and not because we want to be together. You’re my best friend and…”

I break into sobs because it didn’t occur to me that saying no to his proposal would mean losing my best friend, too.

Even though everything feels like it’s falling apart, I can’t help but to also feel like everything is falling into place.

“Sometimes we’re forced to make changes,”

Bali has been healing for my heart. I’ve been able to find myself again. Fall in love with myself again. I’m ready for the next chapter of my life.

Sometimes comfort is what kills us.

“There’s nothing wrong with being committed to yourself. When you’re not focused on love, that’s when it sweeps you up.”

The problem with comfort is that it makes it easier to slip into routines. It makes it easier for us to become stagnant. I don’t want to be stagnant,

I want the chance to know myself outside of being in a relationship. I want to fall in love with myself. No, I need to fall in love with myself.

People can tell you what you are all day, but you really have to believe it yourself for you to be able to embody it. I’m getting there.

You’ll make some woman very happy one day. Not just because of what you can offer but because of who you are.”

You got me the sunflowers because… you know me. He got me all these unnecessary burning roses to make himself feel better.

“Stop acting like you owe everybody something. You don’t owe anyone anything. The only person you owe something to is yourself. It’s okay to walk away from something that isn’t working for you.”

When you start being yourself, you attract people who you naturally vibe with.

An overwhelming sense of belonging washes over me as I realize Acyn feels like home to me.

“You know me so much better in the short time I’ve known you than people who have known me my whole life.”

“I’ll always miss you when you’re not with me.”

“Just let me listen to your heartbeat. It reminds me of home,”

It isn’t about just sex with her. It’s about the fact that I can’t see myself without her in my life now. I’ve never been in love before, but I imagine this is what it feels like.

Let’s go home.” His fingers interlace with mine. I don’t even bother asking him which one because, wherever I go with him, I know that I’ll always be home.

“You’re all I’ve wanted,” he says.

“And you’re all I’ve needed,” I reply.

This man is fluent in my body language. He worships me. I’ve never experienced this level of pleasure in my life. It isn’t only a physical pleasure, but an emotional pleasure as well. The pleasure of knowing someone wants to know every curve, thought, and detail of you so they can take you to a state of bliss only they can.

“What did I do to deserve this?” I take the plate he’s holding out to me. “You exist. That’s all you need to do.” His ember eyes meet mine.

“You’ve been mine since that first shitty cup of coffee.”

I intertwine my fingers with her. “This is also where…” I plant a kiss on her hand as I bring it to my lips. “I realized that I was in love with you.”

“I realized then that I would do anything to make you happy. I knew I was fucked… and completely in love with you.”

There was no one before her. There will never be another after her. There is only her. Only us. All I’ve wanted. All I’ve needed.

We’re all deserving of happiness and of a love that’s so deep that you only discover the depths to which it goes with each passing day as your love grows.