I Hated You First

by Rachel John

My heart wasn’t free to give. It already belonged to this spitfire who didn’t want it.

“I’m so chill, Frosty the Snowman hangs out in my yard just to live longer.”

“And what’s your type? What are you looking for?” “Tall blondes with brown eyes. Feisty. Speedy in a truck but slower on foot.” I turned, as if surprised to see her jogging next to me. “Oh, look. There’s one right here.” She slapped me away good-naturedly, but I saw the question in her eyes. She didn’t want to believe there was truth in my teasing, but she still… wondered. Good.

Guys could say whatever they wanted about being the tougher sex. They were way more touchy feely when it came to their egos.

How had Jenny put it? I sat up a little taller around him. I felt more. I wished she wasn’t right.

His admiration was not for show. It was not an act. It was solely about me and for me, and it filled me up more than any pretty words could ever do.

Chemistry was a funny thing. I truly believed you could create chemistry with a person if you both wanted it. You could choose love. You could build it. None of this falling out of love business.

How would I rate kissing Clay Olsen? Five stars. Two enthusiastic thumbs up. Fireworks. Everywhere. He had wrecked me for all other men with one kiss, and I’d made sure he knew it the way I’d clung to him.

If people couldn’t see the real me, then they couldn’t judge me, and they couldn’t control that part of me, and my feelings were safe.

When Parker and Dad pulled up to the curb in their apology caravan two minutes later, Clay was still chasing me around the yard with the Nutcracker doll. What a day.

For her, every other guy was gray and fuzzy, and Clay was in vibrant color.

Love was this scary and beautiful thing that existed all around me. I could see it. I could read about it. But I’d never experienced it before.