Klutz: Phoenix Down (But Did You Die?, #1)

by Sedona Ashe

He didn’t move. I did the only thing I could think of, and I punched him in the gut.

That’s when the little minx hauled back and punched me.

Right before I surrendered to the darkness, I thought, how exactly had a human survived the plane crash? And why was she naked?

Just when I thought he was going to kiss me, and we were going to do the ‘lust and thrust’—he sniffed me. He freaking sniffed me like we were two dogs at the park in a meet and greet. I stiffened.

“Good grief, woman! Are you half blind? You’ve been tripping and crashing through the foliage since we started out this morning. How can a waif like you make enough noise to rival a herd of elephants?”

Over the years I have regenerated into a lot of weird situations, but this was definitely one of the strangest.

I was going to die. From a beetle with a horrible sense of direction. I wanted to cry. This was going to be more embarrassing than the time I had been knocked in the head by a stray golf ball while working at a mini golf course.

“I can’t believe we have a mate that was just killed. By a bug.”

“Next time, can I yell ‘release the kraken’ before you turn into flaming calamari?”

“You claimed me, and then threw magical confetti?” I

“Did I electrocute him with my vajingo?”

“What is wrong with you?” I replied. “Dagger is unconscious, and all you can do is laugh?”

Why did it seem like everything in the Amazon wanted to kill me? I thought that was supposed to be Australia.

Was Ryls hurt? How had she managed to die again? It had been less than two hours since we had decided to take naps.

“Did—” “Yes,” she snapped. “The fanged freak sneak-attacked me and bit me. I didn’t realize it was such a big deal, and I decided to rest. I was hoping it would help my headache. I woke up and figured out pretty quickly that the spiders in the Amazon aren’t the same as the ones that live in my apartment. My hand was swollen, and I was dizzy. I leaned over to get some water, and fell in. I tried to get to the surface, but the stupid toxin had already wrecked my body and I found myself paralyzed. And just my luck, there was yet another creature waiting for me in there. I’m just thankful the toxin killed me before I had to feel more than a few dozen bites. That would’ve been a sucky way to die, even for me.”

LMAO

“Would you stop?” I sighed. “If I were going to hurt you, I would have done it long before now. Besides, if viper bites, cliff jumping, plane crashes, various insect attacks, explosions, and piranhas can’t kill you, it seems like it would be a waste of my time to try.”

🤣🤣