Mother of Death & Dawn (The War of Lost Hearts, #3)

by Carissa Broadbent

Tell me, little butterfly, what would you do for love?

Death was like a lost lover. We circled each other. I craved more with every brush of its touch. All I wanted was for it to take me to its bed and never let me leave.

“Then why would you bring me back, if not to make me your weapon?” I asked. He was quiet for such a long time that I thought perhaps he hadn’t heard me. “Five hundred years is a very long time,” he said, at last. “One hundred and eighty thousand days, and I thought of you in every one.”

Meajqa leaned closer. “His heart is what truly lit the fires of war, and the fire burns because of you. The decision was for all of us, yes. But the vengeance? The vengeance is for you.”

“One hundred and eighty thousand days I have been at the mercy of human kings,” I snarled. “And if you think you are any better than any of them, you are a fool.”

“You think you are alone, Aefe, in this body. But there is life everywhere. In blood and flesh. In breath. In a heartbeat.”

“Look,” he murmured. I didn’t want to. I wanted to watch that smile. But finally, I looked down. There, cradled in my palm, was a tiny, black rosebud, fresh leaves still unfurling. Strange. In the past, I had leveled cities and destroyed entire armies. But none of those things had ever brought me the pride of this single, tiny flower. Something created only by me. Something alive. “Perfect.” And when I glanced up at Caduan, he was not looking at the flower—he was looking at me.

CADUAN, I DON'T LIKE YOU BUT DAMN

“It was a gift, Max,” she murmured. “A gift to have known you. I hope that you have the most incredible, happy life. I hope you find a future worth forgetting your past. Make it worth it. Find joy. Do you understand?”

Tell me, my ashen son, do you know how much a million memories weigh? How about one? It weighs enough to break a spine. It weighs enough to break a soul.

A realization came to me, one that I had been grappling with for the last ten years. There was no single moment when everything changed. No single before and after. There was just… life. A million decisions and a million consequences.

How much does a memory weigh? Too much to carry alone. Tisaanah looked into my eyes and took my hands.

He smiled through his tears, and as the rest of my vision faded I thought, If I die here, what a perfect last sight. “I’m back,” he said.

He gripped my chin, his eyes searching my face. “Listen,” he said, after a long pause. “I’m not much for words, so I’ll only say this once. If you ever have to guess what I want, or what is best for me, it is you. Alright? I have made that decision already. I do not make it lightly. Don’t disrespect that by claiming that you know better for me than I do. I have made bad decisions before. But you are not, never have been, and never will be one of them. It is always you.”

“So demanding,” he said, as his hands slowly ran up my sides. “Put me in my place, then.”

EXCUSE YOU

“Do you fear death?” I said. He did not react to this question, as if he did not find it at all surprising. He was silent for a long moment before answering. “I fear only what it could take from me.”

A week later, Meajqa asked me again, “I mean it, I’m now desperately curious—what happened?” This time, there was no hesitation. “He is a coward,” I snarled. Meajqa’s eyebrows rose. “Hmm. Sounds as if perhaps he should have read more romance novels,” he said, and took another long drink of wine.

His mouth brushed the soft skin where my jaw met my throat. “You terrify me because you make me want what I cannot have.”

“I do think you would make a wonderful king,” she said, quietly, a tiny smile at one side of her mouth. I scoffed. “You don’t need to flatter me to get me into bed. We’re long past that.”

“What are we even doing any of this for, if not for a future with the people we love?”

“It feels… gluttonous,” I choked out. “To love someone so much.” Serel laughed. “Yes. It does. But it’s not a weakness. It’s a strength.”

“I know what you are. I took you into my mind, too. You’re nothing but rage and pain. When this war is over, you’ll find another thing to burn. It’s all you know how to do.”

I leaned over Ishqa, and at last, his gaze turned to me. His face was the final, dying sight of my old life. And now, mine would be his. I hated him. And yet, he looked at me with only resigned sorrow. “I am so—” His blood sprayed over me. I cut his throat with such force that the blade hit bone. Leaves and flowers grew over his skin, consuming his mouth, his nostrils, piercing those beautiful eyes and smiting them from his face.

she did what???????

“I did not bring you back to be a weapon, Aefe. I brought you back to be everything you could have been, if you had lived. To be everything I should have been, once I run out of time.” No. “I do not understand,” I said again, almost a snarl. “I am dying, Aefe.”

Don’t leave me, I had begged, and he had told me, I am not going anywhere. “You—You lied to me,” I spat. My vision was blurry—why was my vision blurry? “You betrayed me. You betrayed your entire kingdom.” He stepped closer again. “I never wanted—” Lie. He did want. He had been nothing but want that night. “You made me love you.” My words were jagged and raspy with sobs. He reached out for me, such a gentle, tender touch. “Aefe, please. We need you.” I backed away. He said, more desperately, “I need you.”

“Do not fear death, my daughter. We all walk with one foot in each world. There is beauty in impermanence. And what sad lives we would live, if we never loved anything we would lose.”

“Stay with me,” he whispered. Don’t leave me, I had begged of him. He wanted me to stay, but he would abandon me. “I won’t force you,” he murmured. “But I ask you. Please. I want… I want to fill my last days with you. I have spent my entire life chasing knowledge, but now the only thing that I want to know is you. Every part of you. I want you to be the last thing I see when death comes for me. And I want you beside me when we build this new world.”

When we parted, our foreheads pressed together, he murmured, “You cannot possibly understand how much I love you.” I absolutely do, actually, I wanted to say, but instead I said, “Marry me.” A stunned pause. “Say that again,” he whispered. “Marry me, mysterious snake man.” His arms wound around me, pulling me onto his lap, and he kissed me again, and again, and again, until finally we untangled ourselves from each other long enough for him to look into my eyes and say, “Well, I guess so.”

“I give you my soul. It’s not a perfect one. It’s a little messy. You inherit some scars. But… all the good parts are for you. From the minute you showed up at my door, all the good parts were for you.”

wobbly smile spread across Nura’s lips. “We always made such a good team.” Max’s fingers tightened around her slender hand. “I shouldn’t give a fuck,” he said, “but funny how even after everything, it still seems so important to me that you know I never wanted it to end this way.” I’d watched Max fight countless times now, and yet the speed and accuracy of the strike still shocked me. Nura did not have time to react as the knife slid between her ribs the first time. Her body barely jolted. The second time the knife entered Nura’s body, she started to fall.

YES YOU BITCH

A ghost of a smile twitched at her mouth. “I knew you would. Eventually.” I felt no joy as I watched Nura die. I felt nothing at all.

But I froze. Because this girl was not Kira. She too had long black hair, but this child’s was sleek and wavy instead of pin-straight like Kira’s had been. Her features were different, though I saw myself in them still. Her eyes were wider, and green instead of dark brown—amber-green, like the sun shining through leaves. A familiar green. And then it hit me: The burning girl was not my sister. The burning girl was my daughter.

sorry??????

Welcome back, my ashen son. Ilyzath’s whispers surrounded me like mist. You have brought my missing pieces home to me.

Welcome home, my lost soul, it whispered. You have always belonged here. You have always lived in death.

His breath was coming hard. I felt it against my cheek as his head bowed low, close to me. “I love you, Tisaanah.” Oh gods. No. Not that. Don’t say that. “That isn’t a complaint,” I choked out. “It was worth everything else,” he said, barely louder than a whisper. “This time with you.”

“This is not love, Aefe. Love is selfless. If he does this, he will be doing the same thing that they did to you. Perhaps his intentions started well. They always do. But he will destroy everything. The world is cruel, but it does not deserve that. Not mine, and not yours.” “Yes it does,” she snarled. “Maybe letting all of it die is the only justice.” But I saw beneath that rage. I knew that she did not believe it. “What good is justice, if there is nobody left to witness it?”

“I see you, Aefe.” My words slowed. My consciousness was fading. “You can do more than destroy. You can be more than death.” This would be either the best or the worst decision I would ever make. I reached into my pocket and closed my fingers around those shards of alabaster. Change. People could change. I pressed them into Aefe’s hands. “End it,” I rasped. “Fix what has been broken. Make something more.” Those enormous violet eyes flicked to me, first wide with confusion, then bright with anger. She snatched the shards from me and stood abruptly. “Stupid child,” she hissed. “You have always been an innocent fool.”

streak of silver rolled down his cheek. “I cannot save you, Aefe.” And that, I realized, was the cruelest truth of all. He could not save me. I could not save him. “Together,” I choked out. “We go together.”

Caduan took my hands. Together, we stitched the world's wounds closed. Together, we gave the life we were about to leave behind one more chance.

Death is a door. In the darkness, I watch Caduan’s silhouette stand at its threshold. I cannot see what lies beyond it, but I know that there is something there. As I hover on the edge of nothing and everything, terror clenches me. I think of honey, and music, and the way a million other souls felt connected to me in a home I knew once, long ago. Caduan turns. “Are you afraid?” he asks me. At first I want to tell him that I am. But then I think of the night I asked him if he feared death. I fear only what it may take from me, he told me. I realize that there is nothing that death can take from me, now. The only thing I need is here. I have left my mark upon the world. I have written a new story. And I have him. Love is worth creating for. Worth dying for. “No,” I answer. Together we turn to the door. Together we will cross it. Together we will conquer the next unknown. His hand reaches out for me. His lips curl into a sad smile. “Come home, Aefe,” he murmurs. I love how he says my name. I take his hand.

Caduan’s body was found in Ilyzath—a place that now, as far as anyone could tell, was nothing but a stone building. The basement, where there had once been a strange sapling and a fragment of the sea, was empty, save for his body. Black veins spiderwebbed his entire body, including his face, though his eyes were closed as if he had simply drifted off to sleep. His hand was outstretched, as if he had been holding something, or someone. Aefe was never found. Her body was gone.

It ends with two souls who create a future together.

I’ve fought monsters and faced death and survived imprisonment, and yet, the single most terrifying moment of my life was the day I held my daughter for the first time. I had never loved so deeply nor feared so intensely. She has amber-green eyes, like the sun through the leaves. Every so often she looks at me and I remember a nightmare I had, a long time ago, and I need to count my breaths until the moment passes. This, you see, is the thing they don’t tell you about the happy endings.

Later, I will watch Max teach our children how to pull weeds and water roses. I’ll pause my pen over my paper to marvel at the sheer overwhelming abundance of luck that needed to happen to bring us to this moment. I do not believe in gods anymore. But maybe there’s something like a miracle, here. I think of my mother’s words in a dream that felt very real. You have survived, my daughter. Now live. This memory crosses my mind just as Max looks up and smiles when he meets my eyes, as if on reflex, like he didn’t even mean to, and I return it without thinking. I put down my pen, and I live. the end.