To Bleed a Crystal Bloom (Crystal Bloom, #1)

by Sarah A. Parker

But I’m not the same girl I was yesterday. In fact, I have no idea who I am anymore.

A shackle or a ticket to free me from a cage I never realized I was living in? I’m not sure. I don’t know anything anymore. It’s hard to tell truth from lie when you’ve spent the majority of your life living under a veil of skin that never belonged to you. All I know is what I have in front of me. What I’ve always clung to. The thing that has always kept me on track ... The circles I spin. I have unfinished turns, and if I leave before they are complete, I’m convinced everything will unravel. That the world will be off-center.

“You’re wilting here, Orlaith. It’s obvious to an outsider looking in.”

His words are flaming barbs tossed to maim, and the old me would be nursing her wounds ... But she’s gone. Right now, his fire has nothing to catch on, because I’m already ash.

By the way he casts his gaze to the ceiling as if my forgiveness is etched up there on the stone. It’s not. I’d rather handle my worst nightmare than accept whatever placation he has to offer. He’s lost me. Whatever I thought we had, it’s broken.

These waves remind me of the psychological beatings Rhordyn dishes me, because like these waves, he just doesn’t stop. He’s unrelenting. Unapologetic. So callous in his punishments that I barely have a chance to catch my breath. And to dish such a brutal blow when I was already struggling to float?

Now the ocean is roaring at me, and I want to scream back and tell it to stop. Please stop.

“What’s wrong?” The question probes my soul, making me shudder. I love that he asks; that he cares enough to do it.

Perhaps they’ve seen too much over the years ... I know I have. My eyes are just as weary as my soul, but unlike these walls, I’m all dried up.

You lied to me. Her voice may have been fragile, but everything else was the opposite. Her upper lip was curled with hate, she had fire in her eyes, and she looked at me like she saw through my skin to the monster I am beneath.

Orlaith hates the mask I forced her to wear. Message received loud and clear. There is no honor in my decision, but I’ll stand by it until I’m shoved in the ground. Would sooner tear the world apart than let them catch a glimpse of her luster. If that makes me a monster in her eyes, well ... About fucking time.

I sit for what feels like hours, leaking my own self-hatred while I rock back and forth, wishing someone would wrap me in their arms and cuddle me.

Cainon was right. I dug my roots in—hid from a hurting world just as wounded as I am. Rhordyn may have slipped a mask over my face, but I was the one who chose to blind myself to the carnage. Every second I spend here is another life lost. One more dream that’ll never manifest ... I have to go. Now.

“Simple, Milaje. I refuse to live in a world where you don’t exist.”

But I’m lost. Numb and broken. My entire awareness tunneled down to the failure gnawing at my insides ... He pillaged my weakness. Offered me a drink from his well and I gulped with greedy draws until I was intoxicated and mindless. Then, he tossed me down the hole and left me there with no way out. Now all I can do is drown.