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“Hey, Elsa! You want to help me with these bags, or are you going to spend all day dreamily floating through winter wonderland?”
“I’m not saying that to be shitty or make you feel bad. I’m saying it because I think it might be true. The thing is… everyone idealizes things they want but feel like they can’t have.”
Brooke wasn’t placating. It had to be awful to feel stuck. She didn’t expect a lot, so it was easy not to be disappointed.
“I’m starting to understand why they brought on so many recent grads. I thought it was because they had just gotten a huge fundraising round and needed to hire quickly, but I think it’s really because they want people that don’t get what a toxic atmosphere they’ve created.”
“Having a job is sort of like being in a relationship, though, right?” Brooke supplied, her fingertips pressing gently into the warmth from her coffee cup. Kennedy’s head cocked adorably to the side, furrowing her brows skeptically. “In what way?” “Well, most people only have one at a time. And it’s always a balance between deciding if you want to grow together or knowing that something is a dealbreaker and you aren’t compatible.” Brooke laughed lightly and pushed on. “So if you can get value out of the experience, maybe it’s worth sticking it out. But if it’s something you dread, if it’s
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My grandparents on both sides have passed away, so it’s just the four adults and then all the kids from both families. Don’t be surprised if you’re treated as both an adult and a child simultaneously, but everyone’s pretty nice.”
How was it possible that Brooke had been right in front of her for so long and she’d never really seen her?
“My parents used to drive us through here every year.” Kennedy’s own voice was laced with nostalgia. The holidays had a way of doing that, bringing positive memories to the foreground and making the others seem less important, murkier than on a normal day.
“Well, why don’t we take a look together? Maybe it’s something you’re actually excited about, but you’re psyching yourself out before there’s a real reason to.”
She wanted whatever that thing was that made you search a person’s face for meaning or to find reasons to touch them. A hand on the back through a narrow exit. A quick tap on their wrist to get their attention in a loud space. The gentle brush against each other’s shoulders while you moved to the music.
Her outburst, however small, was a sign that something was seriously wrong. She kept a tight lid on her emotions, but it felt like the pressure was beginning to grow, looking for a way to escape.
Even though she knew Brooke would have said exactly the right thing or just pulled her close, stewing silently in her misery had seemed like a better option.
“I just…” How did Brooke want to phrase this? “I know you haven’t been thrilled at your job, and I don’t think you should make yourself suffer if something better is out there, you know? Sometimes the best things in life aren’t things we fight for but that unexpectedly fall into our laps.”
“I think it’s normal to be scared that things will change, but good change is just as likely as bad change.”
Friends. Family. Love. Those were the things that mattered. It was easy to forget and even easier to ignore on her path to whatever vague idea of success she’d been carrying with her after graduation.
“I hate being friends with coworkers, though. They’re relationships of convenience. I want to be friends with people I make time to see, not people I grow to tolerate because we’re always in the same place.”
“I just… I get nervous when I don’t know what to expect. Anxious even,” Kennedy admitted, thumbs pressing insistently into the laces. “Especially with things I already feel like I’m not good at.”
Expectations only led to disappointment.
She knew a lot of people dressed up to feel good for themselves, but there was also something about doing it for someone else, to see the reaction it elicited.
She loved live shows. The spontaneity. The chance meetings. The possibility of the night. There was something about groups of people assembled together for the same thing that they’d experience in a uniquely different way that made her feel alive.
It wasn’t weird that she hadn’t decided to tag along with her and Hannah for an early dinner, since they’d both wanted to prioritize having separate relationships and keep a bit of independence. And that was… difficult. Because all Brooke wanted to do was spend all her time with Kennedy, even four years into their relationship. They had only officially been a couple for three of them, but in retrospect, it had been much more than simple friendship, even in the beginning.
“That out of all the people in this world, you saw something in me worth keeping.”
