You're My Home

by Katie Moore

How can loving someone send you to hell?

“Although, neither of us knows how to cook, so maybe she could cook for us so we don’t starve.” “I’ll learn how to cook…so you don’t starve.”

“Are you sure you’re not mad at me?” His voice is hoarse from crying so much. “I kept it from you…and you’re the person I tell everything.” “Zach, you should never feel like you owe anyone an explanation about your sexuality. Not even me.”

“I would never do anything to hurt our friendship,” he says earnestly, tears in his eyes all over again. “I know you wouldn’t. Nothing has to change simply because I’m hot and you like boys,” I tease.

“Brady? Do you think God hates me now and that I’ll go to hell?” Religion is pissing me off. “No, Zach. You have to stop believing everything your dad has told you and start finding your own beliefs. You are the gentlest and kindest person I’ve ever met, and if there is a God, he definitely doesn’t hate you.”

“I know it’s a lot of changes and experiences that you aren’t used to. You need to tell us if things get to be too much, and we’ll reevaluate how we are doing things.”

Zach pops into my mind, and the thought of leaving him at home to go out with some girl doesn’t appeal to me right now.

Connor is on the lounge next to him, coating Zach’s back with sunscreen. He tosses the bottle down, lying back and chatting with Zach about something that is making Zach laugh. It irks me a little that he’s getting Zach’s time instead of me.

And so the jealousy begins

He gives Zach a hug before he leaves, saying something in his ear that makes Zach smile. That familiar twinge of protectiveness hits me, and I try to push it away. It’s Connor; he would never hurt Zach.

know the guys get them for their girlfriends, but Zach is my constant supporter and there for every practice, every game, and deserves to be wearing my number.

“What just happened? Did you say something to upset him?” Connor rolls his eyes. “You are so fucking clueless sometimes.”

“Is he autistic?” “No, he’s not autistic.” Even if he was, it bothers me she would ask that.

He totally is

He takes things very literally and still struggles with anything crude.

And he is not autistic???

“That is the dumbest bullshit I’ve ever heard. You don’t judge, but you don’t accept? Is saying it that way supposed to make you feel better about yourself?”

I know you’ll be a good dad, too, someday.” Zach’s plan for foster kids flits through my mind. “I’m going to check in on Zach.”

Dad positions a picture of Brady next to my bed where I can easily see it and hands me Eeyore. “Thought these might help you.”

He lives and breathes for you.” I live and breathe for him, too. Doesn’t he know that?

Something inside of me whispers, so this is what it’s supposed to feel like. This is why people love to kiss.

“He told me that I’m his home,” I whisper, staring out into the darkness and praying he’s okay. “He told me once when you were gone that he was homesick. He was homesick for you.”

“Demisexual is where you don’t feel sexual attraction until you have a deep emotional bond with someone. You can notice if someone is attractive, but you don’t want to kiss them or have sex with them. When you connect with the person you love, then that sexual desire is there.” His description slams into me, and I almost feel like crying. “That feels like me. You’re describing me.”