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June 30 - July 2, 2022
A village has to have a church; those are the rules. For hundreds of years, the village church has been the center of village life and death, with emphasis on the last one. It is the biggest, grandest, highest building around. It has fonts to drown in, vaults to be sealed in, a bell tower to fall from, and an altar to be sacrificed on. The vicar will find your body if you venture here.
You don’t need a doctor. You have the internet.
When you see the vicar, run. If you are not dead yet, the vicar is obliged to kill you.
Stay low. They can’t throw you off the balcony if you never go up there. Try the stairs.
The Stairs They are the xylophones of death.
Marble busts and giant vases fall down, not up. Get to higher ground.
The Attic Good idea. Save time. Go right to the ghost part of the house.
The Kitchen No.
Walls All the best stuff happens inside of them.
the Housekeeper Don’t forget who really owns this house.
Never trust anyone with a favorite shovel.
The aristocracy have three passions: inbreeding, collecting stolen artifacts, and engaging in recreational violence. You must take care as you approach the manor itself and beware of any events in progress, especially a dynastic inheritance struggle.
It’s so lovely to get out of the city for the weekend and play tennis, have a picnic, do a bit of riding, and commit some adultery.
Of course, no one is invited to the manor out of generosity or actual friendship—you are there to be a victim or falsely accused of murder. Enjoy your horsey ride!
No one can know you are coming—that gives them time to plan. Ideally, you should not stay anywhere. If you can, remain awake and moving during the entirety of your stay.
