Elektra

by Jennifer Saint

People only ever spoke of her dazzling radiance, sometimes moved to poetry or song in praise of it. No one ever mentioned that she was thoughtful or that she was kind.

He shook his head, dismissing my words. ‘You want to be merciful,’ he said. ‘You’re a woman. But war is the business of men.’

shut up 🤨

His eyes were milky, a film obscuring what colour they had once had. I wondered how he saw through the murk, but perhaps it did not matter to him if the physical world was blurred, for he saw the world beyond it with crystal clarity.

I could never make myself understood,

‘I hope.’ He cleared his throat. ‘I hope that if I send for you, you will come.’ ‘To Mycenae?’ I asked. ‘For what reason?’

brutal 😩 FOR MARRIAGE OBVIOUSLY

It could be worse, I thought.

best reason to marry really 🤷‍♀️

‘Why do people get married?’ she tried. ‘I definitely don’t know.’

me too girl

seemed inoffensive, but that was the best I could say of him.

me trying to say something positive about a man

The idea of spending a moment alone with him or any other man filled me with nothing but dread.

same

I wanted to know more, but it felt too indecorous to probe for details.

been there girl

I wondered what would be enough for him,

He longed to see the gods humbled, to be the one to humiliate them. He imagined the sting of their shame and it warmed him better than the fire burning in his hearth.

I could not see the shape of it yet, but I knew this man carried the collapse of the world with him.

Such a man speaks poetry in place of facts and thinks he tells a higher truth when all he spins is fantasy.

But no one heard me; that was my curse.

My husband sailed soon to slaughter enemies in the pursuit of power and glory, but I had been slaying monsters for years, smoothing the path at my children’s feet so that they could step confidently into the future.

I had believed they were there because they loved her, but I had been wrong. They hated her. They hated her because she was so beautiful and because she made them want her so much. Nothing brought them more joy than the fall of a lovely woman. They picked over her reputation like vultures, scavenging for every scrap of flesh they could devour.

Somehow, women always came after a death.

my body felt like it would split apart, that no one could hold this much pain inside them and not shatter.

My body could not know what my mind did; it ached with her absence.

I had gone everywhere before her; trodden the paths I sent her down to make sure they were safe before I let her go. How could I let her go now, to where I did not know, without me at her side?

I wanted no more tender memories to shred my heart when they too were taken from me.

What was the point in having the most beautiful woman in the world as your wife if no one else could see her?

you cannot wound a man by harming what he weighs so lightly as Agamemnon values us.’

I wished that I could think about anything other than my anger. Sometimes I could hear myself as though I were outside my body, and I winced at the harsh drone of my own voice.

I’m strong enough. I could be there, helping to win the war. So that he can come home to you.’

stop that 🥲

‘They say Achilles fought like a man possessed,’

‘Yes, yes, he raged like a fire and roared like a lion, but tell me what he did.’

‘He swore to slit their throats at Patroklos’ funeral pyre. But he would not burn his beloved’s body until he had sated his vengeance

He vowed to feed Hector’s body to the dogs, but I think he would have feasted on it raw himself if he could have done so.’

Somewhere, in the distance, if only I could walk far enough to find it, there was safety, I was sure. I could see it more clearly than I saw the ocean before me. Soft hills, wooded with welcoming forests. A quiet farmhouse, a spiral of smoke drifting into the air from its chimney. A peaceful solitude, a place where no agony would shatter my skull, a place where nothing of note would ever happen, so there would be nothing to foresee.

🥲

He was gone. He did not even linger to watch me suffer the last. He had deserted me.

Even Aphrodite had sullied her pristine feet on the blood-streaked mud of the Trojan plains for her beloved Paris. Ares had rampaged beside Trojan fighters, his bloodcurdling yell bringing terror to Greek hearts. The great, black, leathery wings of Eris had rasped in the air just above their heads, carnage unfolding in her wake. And Apollo, sleek and sinuous, along with his wild sister, Artemis, they had stood with us, too. It wasn’t enough. And, in our defeat, they had deserted us.

For a moment, I wonder whether we ever used to talk.

I shake my head fervently, because I am sure that she means to show me mercy and I cannot bear it.

Although he offers me escape, I feel another door slamming shut upon my future.

I married a king, and look what happened to me. The nobility of his blood did not temper the stain of the curse that ran through it. His riches did not buy him honour or kindness.

And so, once again, I find myself bound to a man who would kill my child.

I wonder what he finds charming about my brooding, angry daughter.

I have enlisted the help of a frightened man and given him power. And his fear might drive him to lash out, like a cornered animal.

It seems no one in my home is ever very pleased to see me.

but to my amazement, he cuts me off.

typical man

He exults in her degradation; sees it as fitting for the child of his enemy. But she is my child, too.

He waves his hand to dismiss me, even though I am already leaving.

typical

I don’t think about Georgios on our wedding day. When I walk towards him, it’s my mother’s face that I can see in front of me, even if I studiously look away from her. I want her to be so very disappointed.

>:(

however lowly and poor he might be,

shut the fuck UP ur more than lucky to have him. just plain ungrateful.

With Georgios, I can keep Agamemnon’s memory alive, and one day I’ll bring our family back to greatness.

does she actually know anything about this guy??? has she spent their whole 10 year friendship talking EXCLUSIVELY about herself and her own problems???

I don’t think I could put one foot in front of the other if it wasn’t for my hatred. It fuels me, it drives me forward, it roars inside me, obliterating anything else that ever was or could be.

I make him tell me it, over and over again.

shes actually so unlikeable

When I thought of poverty before, I thought it was preferable to the sight of Clytemnestra and Aegisthus. I thought that not seeing their smug and smirking faces would make living here a luxurious delight in comparison. I thought that leaving would buy me my dignity. But there is no dignity in being poor. It is a grinding, exhausting existence, and every morning I wake and stare at the dry, plain walls, which seem to shrink closer around me every day.

such an unrepentant brat 😭