The List (Second Chances, #1)

by Felice Stevens

“Do you think I want to be this way?” The phone slipped in his sweating hand. “I’ve tried.” “Never making it past a first date isn’t trying. Go on another.” “I don’t want—” “I know what you don’t want. Tell me what you do want.” “I want him here with me, God fucking damn it,” he swore, the words tasting bitter. “I know he’s gone, but he’s always here. Every time I look in the mirror, I see him behind me. I sit at the kitchen table and he’s there, across from me, reading the paper, doing the crossword puzzle, drinking his third cup of coffee. He’s next to me in the car, and I smell him in our bed. I want him here with me, and I’m never going to get that again.” “No, you’re not. So, like I said, tell me—what do you want?” The bottom of his stomach dropped out. To feel alive again.

“Look. We’ve watched you go through relationships”—he pointed at Spencer—“like this one goes through condoms. You have yourself and the flavor of the week living together and picking out rings before the first date is over. I thought maybe you learned with the candlemaker and wouldn’t jump with the salesman, but it seems that wasn’t so.”

“Oh.” Elliot chewed his bottom lip. Win’s pulse spiked, recalling its soft plumpness. “So you want to stop seeing each other?” “I don’t remember saying that.” “So what the hell are you saying?” Elliot tried to shift around to face him, but the seat belt impeded him, and with a grunt of frustration, he unclipped it. “What do you want?” Disregarding all the voices in his head shouting at him to slow down, Win grasped Elliot by the shoulder. “You. I want you.” At the touch of Elliot’s lips, Win pulled him close. “Just you.”

Win withdrew and stared at his feet, directing his answer to the floor. “I’ll be honest. It was because initially, I didn’t plan on anything more between us than sex, so I didn’t want to expose myself like that. Why involve you in my life if I didn’t see you in it?”

“I-I’ve never heard you talk about Claire.” His stomach twisted. “There isn’t much for me to say. I was so young when she died. I never felt like her brother.” Brow furrowed, she glanced up at him. “Why would you say that? What else were you?” “A means to an end.” Over thirty years of pain broke through the silence.

“You’re a part of me, and I’m a part of you. And like this ring, I want us to go on forever. It’s an unbroken path that even with no beginning or end, will always lead me to you. Marry me? I love you and want you, now, tomorrow, for always. You unlocked the future for me and helped me find happiness again.”

“I know how much you love surprises. It’s on my Elliot list.” Elliot groaned. “Very funny.” “I’m not joking. I made a list of my perfect man. Big blue eyes, ticklish in all the right places, loves romantic surprises, master pancake maker, gold-medal snuggler, sexy as fuck, the most kissable mouth, and most important?” “What’s that?”