Stranded

by Sarah Goodwin

‘I think anyone that knows me would say I was a dreamer … ready to run wild.’

‘Forgive, but don’t forget,’ I said, one of Auntie Ruth’s other aphorisms. ‘I always try to remember that. Because if someone can hurt you once, they can do it again.’

None of them seem to realise how little it all means. How much of it is window-dressing. Play-acting at being a superior species, somehow apart from the rest of the animal kingdom. I’ve seen what hides behind all that. We are all animals when cornered.

Hating me was the only thing they had holding them together. Without me I think

‘There’s this … compulsion, bred into us. To be polite, to be civilised, as if by ignoring a threat we’re somehow safe from whoever or whatever is out to get us. That as long as we stay silent, as long as no one acknowledges the fear we feel or what might happen … it won’t.’ I allow myself a small sip of water, feeling anger burning into my cheeks. I put the glass down. ‘It’s bullshit.’

‘There was a moment where I had to choose between everything I’d ever been taught about how to stay safe, and reality. I had to either play the game of appeasement, negotiating just how much I was going to be hurt, or believe my instincts and try to save myself, whatever the cost. And if I hadn’t trusted that part of myself … I wouldn’t be here.’

‘suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem’.

get back at them, better and smarter than they got at you.

I have learned that there is no justice, aside from what we make for ourselves. There is only survival, and the victor tells the story.