As Long as the Lemon Trees Grow

by Zoulfa Katouh

For every life I can’t save during my shift, one more drop of blood becomes a part of me.

Death is an excellent teacher.

“And don’t forget to pray. Prayers are answered when rain falls,” she reminds me.

Even though the memories ache, it’s the only way we get to see our loved ones—replaying their words to us, letting our imaginations magnify or soften their voices however we please.

“I want you to hold on to that. No matter what happens, you remember that this world is more than the agony it contains. We can have happiness, Salama. Maybe it doesn’t come in a cookie-cutter format, but we will take the fragments and we will rebuild it.”

I catch it before it disappears and fold it into my heart to replay later when I’m alone.

“It might be difficult at first. The world might be too loud or too silent. It might be neon bright or pitch black, but slowly, it’ll put itself back together. It will resemble something normal.

“With all the destruction happening down there, it’s easy to forget the beauty that’s up here. The sky is so beautiful after rainfall.”

The most beautiful sunsets are always the ones that come after a rain,

“With whatever happens to us, to him, I will cling to our faith.”

The blackness stretches out in front of us, with the moon casting his silvery glimmer, dimming the light of the stars nearby. It’s the same sky other people see in their countries. But while we watch it here, hiding, not knowing if our

next breath is our last, others sleep safely in their beds, bidding the moon a peaceful good night.

Empires have collapsed throughout history. They rise, they build, and they fall. Nothing lasts forever. Not even our pain.”

Under the silvery moonlight, he looks magical—magnified by his kindness and beautiful soul. He doesn’t deserve the cruelty this world has to offer.

The decision is as easy as breathing. It feels like how peace probably does.

I stare at the ring and find that I don’t care about whatever uncertainties lie in our future. All I know is that I love him and that even in the darkness surrounding us, he’s been my joy. In the midst of all the death, he made me want to live.

“But meeting you, loving you… you made me realize how life can be salvaged. That we deserve to have happiness in this long night.”

“Know that even in death, you’re my life.”

We’re growing a tree. They need patience, just like change does.”

It reminds me that as long as the lemon trees grow, hope will never die.