Hell of a Book

by Jason Mott

All Soot wanted right then and there was to disappear. To disappear utterly and completely. Disappearing was a way out of everything in his life. Disappearing was a way out of the cycle of violence. Disappearing was a way to not hate himself when he saw that skin of his in the mirror. Disappearing was a way for him not to hate everyone else that had skin like his. Disappearing was a way out of everything and he knew that was the reason his mother had taught it to him. It was the reason she and his father had tried so hard to teach him how to disappear. If he could disappear, he could be free from fear. If he could disappear, he would not have to worry about bullies. He would not have to worry about cops. He would not have to worry about legislation aimed at his skin. He would not have to worry about the history of slavery that led him to here. He would not have to worry about feeling inferior. He would not have to worry about being angry, and afraid, and never sure which was better to feel because they both hurt in different ways but they seemed to be all that he had left. He would not have to worry about not knowing what to feel when he watched video footage of people that looked like him being sprayed with fire hoses. He would not have to worry when he saw old, grainy footage of a man standing on the steps of a school shouting “Segregation now! Segregation forever!” He would not have to worry when he saw men with torches marching in Virginia. He would not have to worry w...