“I’m still in love with him.” He nods as if this doesn’t surprise him. “You loved him deeply when you came here.” “I don’t want to love him.” Brother Connor regards me. “I hope, sincerely, that you do not believe it’s a sin for you to love him. You did not used to.” “It wasn’t a sin for me to love him then, but I can’t help but feel that it is now. I came here to pledge my heart to God and God alone, and so what does it say about me that there is still another object of my devotion? That no matter how much I pray and work, a hunger for someone other than my lord still gnaws at me? I would feel
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