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A mix of shock and anger crossed his face, but I didn’t give him a chance to respond. I rushed up to him, taking his wrists in both of my hands and planting them against the wall at his sides as I shot up to my tiptoes and buried my face in his neck.
I was throbbing between my legs, and I thought about that piece-of-crap house and that lone bed in the room upstairs, and how there was nowhere else I wanted to be right now.
We were both fucked.
They glanced at me, their eyes dropping down my body and taking in my appearance. They turned their eyes away again, but I didn’t miss the look they shot each other as they passed me, barely waiting to make it into the bathroom before breaking out in quiet laughs.
My baby
“You think I’m not used to the way people like that look at me? Men thinking if they prettied me up they’d be doing me some kind of favor, and women laughing behind their hands. It’s been that way my whole life. I don’t give a shit what they see when they look at me. Your world is empty, and it can teach me nothing.”
“I have Damon. He’s all I want.”
Yeah, think what you want, but it was true. My brother was the only man who wanted me strong. The only man who would never hurt me.
My heart skipped a beat. How much he reminded me of Damon now.
I could feel eyes on me coming from everywhere, and I wanted to take out my pocketknife and sink it into his fucking gut.
And I’m going to kill you for this. A lump lodged in my throat, and I felt nauseous.
Once the doors closed, I was fucking done. I threw my fist into the wall over and over again, swinging my leg back and kicking it, growling at the top of my lungs. “Fuck!”
Guys just wanna fuck, I remembered my brother telling me once. We’ll fuck anything we can get our hands on. No one’s going to love you. Not really. He’ll just lead you on, get what he can take, and eventually, he’ll move on to someone newer and hotter. Promise you’ll never let anyone use you like that. Don’t be a slut. Be strong.
Kai could get horny just like anyone else, but lust could never overshadow how cruel I knew he could be. How cruel he was to Erika last year and how cruel he’d just proven himself to be.
CHAPTER 11
I was pushing her around a lot lately, and I didn’t want that to be every interaction we had. I liked talking to her.
How could I do what I needed to do and keep her?
I squeezed the steering wheel, grinding it in my fist. Such a fucking brat.
And then my face fell, hating that, for a moment, I missed Damon. I didn’t like hearing someone attacked Banks, but for some reason, I was appeased, knowing he avenged her. That was unlike him. Why was he so attached to her?
“She reminded me so much of you that night. Just learning about what it was that excited her. Just starting to put that first step over the line that she craved to cross so much. You’re both so much alike.”
Someone I could be drawn to. Someone who would go down the rabbit hole with me. I had my friends, but it wasn’t the same.
“You haven’t gotten that freedom yet, have you? Why? Do people hurt you if you step out of line? Does Gabriel hurt you when you misbehave or speak out of turn? Did Damon hurt you?”
“You and Michael can start by curbing Will’s destructive habits. They’ve gotten worse since Damon left,” she said, ignoring all my questions. “He’s depressed. You need to give him something to do. Lots of things, actually, so he has no time to think. Give him a purpose.”
It had been a while since I’d been with anyone. Maybe I should let you hunt me, too.
“I understand. I’m still not letting you go, though.”
Please dont she needs to getv away from evrything
CHAPTER 12
“What do I care what his plan is?” my father snapped. “He saddled this pony. Now he gets to ride it.”
“I realize he has your loyalty, but I’m the one who pays you. You are only protected by my good graces, little girl. Remember that.”
“You should’ve been born a boy. You’re the son Damon should’ve been.”
“Still, females aren’t completely useless,” he went on. “Kai likes you, so use what God gave you and get him to sign the contract. Don’t bother coming back until you do.”
Where are you, Damon? We don’t have to live like this. Why did you leave me behind?
I breathed hard. The camera, the men, drugs . . . fucking slut. I swallowed the bile rising in my throat.
I somehow managed to live on less! Why couldn’t she? I felt a sob well up in my throat, and I just wanted to fucking strangle her.
Silent tears streamed down as I forced away all the doubt. Forced away the suspicions that I was being used. No. No, my father needed me more every day. And Damon wasn’t using me, either. He wanted me to be happy. I know he did. And I would be, eventually.
I was needed. I was valuable.
This was all their fault. Michael’s brother got Damon arrested in the first place, and thank God he was dead, or I would’ve done it myself. If it wasn’t for that, Damon would’ve finished college, and we’d be gone.
And then the rest of them . . . My brother would’ve taken a bullet for them, and they chose Erika Fane without hesitation. Years of him always having their backs, and they threw him away like it was nothing. They didn’t even fight for him.
I dropped my eyes, shaking my head. That wasn’t true, though, was it? I could see Damon’s side because I knew how much he was hurting. I knew how he thought.
No one at home loved him. Our father was a tyrant, and his mother . . . He was terrorized by her. I groaned at the sickness rising from my stomach, remembering all the things he never meant for me to see in that tower.
Me, his friends . . . Anything that threatened us was immediately an enemy.
But that didn’t happen, and I now realized it would never happen.
We weren’t ever going to leave, were we? He was using me, too.
Wouldn’t she just love to see me doing whatever it took to bring in more money? Of course she’d feel sorry about it, but really, what did she think was going to happen to me when Damon bought me all those years ago? She had asked him what he wanted me for. He simply answered, “Does it matter?”
I was what Kai said I was. A tool. Something others used.
I jerked out of his hold. I didn’t need to be taken care of.
But, his lips tight, he gave me an angry, “Shhh . . .” and dropped me to my feet, his arms locking around my body and holding me to him.
My body was so tired. Kai strengthened his hold, letting me relax into him, and I did. I didn’t fight it.
Tucking my arms in, I huddled into his chest, letting myself give up for a minute.
I couldn’t remember the last time I was this close to somebody.
This was heaven.
“I’ve never seen Damon possessive over a woman, but he was over you that night.”
