Black Knight (Royal Elite, #4)

by Rina Kent

He used to be my best friend. Now, he’s a stranger. A bully. An enemy.

I prefer punk and alternative rock. Thank you very much.

Let me see, I know you dance to upbeat music on your own, and it’s the only time you’re not fake. I know you hide behind that makeup and new wardrobe because you see yourself as an ugly little monster on the inside. But not the hair, the green is you. It’s the only real thing about you, because you’ve always been obsessed with that colour. You stopped eating your favourite pistachio gelato and green M&M’s because they don’t go well with the whole look, but you still take notice and stare when you see others eating them. You like Elsa too much, so you do everything to appear

perfect in front of her, and by doing that, you kill parts of yourself slowly, thinking if she actually saw your true self-harming, vein-cutting, pill-popping self, she’d give up on you. When you were talking to Jeanine that day, Kirian came to me frantic and told me about that night. He saw you fainted after you popped some pills, and for that reason, he’s been hugging you more often lately and asking me if adults keep their fucking promises. I know you don’t look long enough in the mirror, if at all, because you hate the person you see there, and if you stare long enough, you’ll be out to destroy her, so you choose to hide behind the designer clothes and the layers of expensive makeup instead. But here’s the thing, Kimberly, you

can hide from the world and from your fucking self, but you’ll never be...

So? How well did I do? I can go on if you want. I can psychoanalyse your relationship with Jeanine and Calvin and Kirian, and even with Marian. How about the one with you? You have no relationship with me. Know your fucking place.

“Why green?” he asks. “Huh?” “You heard me. Why is it fucking green?” “My favourite colour?” “I hate your favourite fucking colour. I hate you, Kimberly.”

heartbreaking

“I hate your eyes and your fucking hair.” He clutches a strand and strokes it between his thumb and forefinger as if he’s memorising it – or thinking about burning it. I can never tell with him.

“Xan…” My voice breaks, and I approach him slowly. My heart is on my sleeves and I sniffle as I reach out a tentative hand and clutch the hem of his jacket. “Don’t make me. I’m sorry, okay? I’ll do anything as long as you forgive me.” “Don’t touch me. You’re disgusting.” He shoves me so hard, I fall on my butt on the solid ground.

“Marry me, Kimmy. And before you say anything, I have an aristocratic title and a fortune that will sustain our fourth generation. I promise satisfying sex and threesomes. Lots of threesomes.” I laugh and the sound is relaxed compared to my earlier state of mind. “Maybe you should start looking for someone else other than Elsa. Just in case.”

Ronan is fucking hilarious

Feeling cute, I want to fuck a cute girl tonight. Like Kimmy. Jackpot! She just said yes. Wish me luck. Wait, I won’t need it. Tell the school we won’t be coming for a few days.

“He’s going to take her virginity,” I say the only thing I’ve been thinking about. There’s so much pain in my voice, so much…fucking resignation. “Who and who?” Cole asks.

The deep blue of his eyes holds me hostage as he speaks in a low, gut-wrenching tone. “Always look at me, not away from me, okay?”

if he isnt like this is dont want him

He was once my knight, my anchor, my warm shoulder. Now, he’s the villain coming after my life. Now, he’s the master of that suffocating fog that’s slowly wrapping its tentacles around my throat and cutting off my air supply.

His back is all I see as he ascends the stairs. And I know, I just know that he’s saying goodbye for the very last time.

I wish you were never my friend. I wish you had never told me you’d be there for me. I wish you didn’t know so much about me and still chose not to be with me. I wish there was never me or you or us.

this was her goodbye :(

My lips part and the joint nearly falls to the ground as I read and re-read the text. No. No, she didn’t. I hit her name and call her. She doesn’t pick up. I kick the car and don’t stop to think about the pain as I type. Me Pick up the fucking phone, Kimberly.

I drag my feet to the entrance and the worst-case scenario materialises in front of me. Blood. So much fucking blood. Kimberly sits on the floor beside the toilet, her back leaning against the wall, and she’s surrounded by bags of crisps, pills, and a bottle of alcohol. Her head lolls at an awkward angle and her green strands half-camouflage her expression.

fuck..

The first towel soaks immediately after I wrap it, so I add another one. Then something glints in her cut hand. A bloodied bracelet dangles from her fingers. I almost break at the view. It’s the bracelet I gave her for her eleventh birthday. The last gift I ever gave her, which I thought she threw away.

“You know when you sometimes wake up and you’re disoriented and don’t know where or who you are? I’m that way every day. It’s not a phase and it doesn’t go away. Every day, I remember I’ll meet Mum, talk to Mum, and see the disappointment in her eyes. Every day, I remember I’ll go to school and see the boy who used to be my best friend, then realise I don’t exist for him anymore. Every day, I wonder if I’m invisible and if maybe I stopped existing altogether at a moment in time. Every day, I struggle with the need to stay afloat, to eat, to

to keep fighting because Kirian needs me. But other times, I think maybe he’s better off without me. Other times, I get too weak and can’t fight anymore. Sometimes, Mum snaps at me and I just have to relieve that pain someplace else, so I cut and watch the pain disappear with the blood. I know it’s wrong and I feel so bad afterwards, to the point I can’t look at myself in the mirror, but I can’t stop, because the physical pain is better than the emotional pain. The blood is better than being suffocated by the fog.”

That night she told her father everything and asked for his help, I stood in front of the door with my fists clenched by either side of me. Every sob she released was like a stab, and every confession she made twisted the knife deeper. She just needed someone, and I did everything not to be that someone, and as a result, I almost lost her.