Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead

by Sheryl Sandberg

Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear

of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.

Taking initiative pays off. It is hard to visualize someone as a leader if she is always waiting to be told what to do.

The ability to learn is the most important quality a leader can have.”13

Sad White Babies with Mean Feminist Mommies.

One of the things he told me was that my desire to be liked by everyone would hold me back. He said that when you want to change things, you can’t please everyone. If you do please everyone, you aren’t making enough progress. Mark was right.

willing to trade seniority for acquiring new skills.

The most common metaphor for careers is a ladder, but this concept no longer applies to most workers.

the average American had eleven jobs from the ages of eighteen to forty-six alone.

Careers are a jungle gym, not a ladder.”

The jungle gym model benefits everyone, but especially women who might be starting careers, switching careers, getting blocked by external barriers, or reentering the workforce after taking time off.

careers do not need to be mapped out from the start.

I recommend adopting two concurrent goals: a long-term dream and an eighteen-month plan.

When I graduated from college, I had only the vaguest notion of where I was headed.

I don’t believe in mapping out each step of a career, I do believe it helps to have a long-term dream or goal.

A long-term dream does not have to be realistic or even specific.

reflect the desire to work in a particular field or to travel t...

Just as I believe everyone should have a long-term dream, I also believe everyone should have an eighteen-month plan.

my eighteen-month plan sets goals on two fronts. First and most important, I set targets for what my team can accomplish. Employees who concentrate on results and impact are the most valuable—like Lori, who wisely focused on solving Facebook’s recruiting problem before focusing on herself.

I try to set more personal goals for learning new skills in the next eighteen months.

“How can I improve?”

letting the other side make the first offer is often crucial to achieving favorable terms.

Overriding our natural tendencies is very difficult.

accept uncertainty and even embrace it.

women need to be more open to taking risks in their careers.2

The cost of stability is often diminished opportunities for growth.

Women are also more likely to accommodate a partner’s career than the other way around.

Being risk averse in the workplace can also cause women to be more reluctant to take on challenging tasks.

One reason women avoid stretch assignments and new challenges is that they worry too much about whether they currently have the skills they need for a new role.

women only apply for open jobs if they think they meet 100 percent of the criteria listed. Men apply if they think they meet 60 percent of the requirements.

Women need to shift from thinking “I’m not ready to do that” to thinking “I want to do that—and I’ll learn by doing it.”

Women are also more reluctant to apply for promotions even when deserved, often believing that good job performance will naturally lead to rewards.8

the “Tiara Syndrome,” where women “expect that if they keep doing their job well someone will notice them and place a tiara on their head.”

Hard work and results should be recognized by others, but when they aren’t, advocating for oneself becomes necessary.

Unfortunately for women, men often have an easier time acquiring and maintaining these relationships.3 One recent study shows that men are significantly more likely than women to be sponsored and that those with sponsors are more satisfied with their rates of advancement.4

The strongest relationships spring out of a real and often earned connection felt by both sides.

Mentorship is often a more reciprocal relationship than it may appear, especially in situations where people are already working at the same company. The mentee may receive more direct assistance, but the mentor receives benefits too, including useful information, greater commitment from colleagues, and a sense of fulfillment and pride. Sociologists and psychologists have long observed our deep desire to participate in reciprocal behavior. The fact that humans feel obligated to return favors

has been documented in virtually all societies and underpins all kinds of social relationships.6 The mentor/mentee relationship is no exception. When done right, everybody flourishes.

The ability to listen is as important as the ability to speak.

Being aware of a problem is the first step to correcting it.

As hard as it is to have an honest dialogue about business decisions, it is even harder to give individuals honest feedback. This is true for entry-level employees, senior leaders, and everyone in between.

Feedback is an opinion, grounded in observations and experiences, which allows us to know what impression we make on others. The information is revealing and potentially uncomfortable, which is why all of us would rather offer feedback to those who welcome it.

“How can I do better?” “What am I doing that I don’t know?” “What am I not doing that I don’t see?” These questions can lead to many benefits.

Requesting advice can also help build relationships.

being open to hearing the truth means taking responsibility for mistakes.

Humor can be an amazing tool for delivering an honest message in a good-natured way. A recent study even found that “sense of humor” was the phrase most frequently used to describe the most effective leaders.2

Unfortunately, our sense of humor sometimes fails us when we need it most.

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When husbands do more housework, wives are less depressed, marital conflicts decrease, and satisfaction rises.27 When women work outside the home and share breadwinning duties, couples are more likely to stay together. In fact, the risk of divorce reduces by about half when a wife earns half the income and a husband does half the housework.28 For men, participating in child rearing fosters the development of patience, empathy, and adaptability, characteristics that benefit all of their relationships.29 For women, earning money increases their decision-making ability in the home, protects them in case of divorce, and can be important security in later years, as women often outlive their husbands.30 Also—and many might find this the most motivating factor—couples who share domestic responsibilities have more sex.31 It may be counterintuitive, but the best way for a man to make a pass at his wife might be to do the dishes.

True partnership in our homes does more than just benefit couples today; it also sets the stage for the next generation.